Level-Headed Friends

2013 Year in Review - The People I Spent Time With

Here’s the final blog for the 2013 Year in Review. It counts the people I spent time with as well as a few miscellaneous details at the bottom. I’ve already begun to tabulate the stats for 2014 and they’ll be much more directed. 2013 was the year of exhaustive accounting.

It’s very interesting comparing the hang stats of 2013 with the hang stats of 2012. In 2013 I was more diligent about recording each and every person I had a conversation with at a party, so some of the numbers vary greatly. This indicates that I see the person a lot socially but not necessarily that I get a lot of one on one time with them. For this reason, it’s important to note, this list basically keeps track of approximate face time with friends.

As I stated last year, it doesn’t keep track of how I value friendship. Someone scoring in the double digits is not more important to me than someone I only hung out with once. Some people are inherently social and other people are not.

I didn’t count rehearsals or work shifts or church. I counted a work drive over an hour as a half a stat. Due to the large amount of people logging stats, I didn’t chart any one with less than 4 hangs. The number in brackets is their hang stat for last year. (NL) stands for not listed last year.

Let’s start with a few little nods. These are people that didn’t hit the 4 stat minimum but I want to mention for one reason or another (mostly to guilt them into hanging out more):

Kelsey Ulm – 2 (5)

Tom Ulm – 2 (7)

(Pictured: Tom being held up by Skull headed Danny Marshall. As a note, I only use photos that I have in my iphoto library, mostly taken by me.)

Kelsey and Tom live in Kelowna. I’ve already received a message from Tom that this year will improve. Reasons for the drop off: they were out of town at Christmas, which is an important factor. I was also in Kelowna less this year than I was the last, so part of the blame must certainly fall to me.

Tim Johnston – 3 (2)

Blake Turner – 3 (3)

These two received an honourable mention last year as well. While they’re steadily keeping their heads above water, it really is a shame to not see them more.

Grant Mckinnon – 3 (2)

(Pictured: Sunburnt Grant playing a tiny drum with Kaitlin)

Grant lived in Vernon for much of the year, making it hard to connect with him. Kaitlin and I had a road trip from Kelowna to Victoria though that, under other sets of rules, could’ve counted as five hang stats. It was really quality so I wanted to mention him here.

Jacob Best – 3

(Pictured: Jacob right after winning the hardest physical immunity challenge in ‘Survivor: Queen Elizabeth)

I didn’t meet Jacob until late June and we did our best to see each other every once in a while. He’s one of those friends that comes out of nowhere, undrafted, I’d never even heard of him until I was making his acquaintance. But we hit it off immediately. I’m expecting a lot from his future.

And now, the list, counting all friends with 4 hang stats or more. Some will have notes of interest, most will not until we get up to the top 10 or 25. The initial listings will be subdivided into new friends, old friends, and out-of-town friends.

FOUR HANGS, New Friends:

117. Johnny, Byron’s Roomate – 4 (NL)

116. Nick Bunting – 4 (NL)

115. Tracey Schut – 4 (NL)

114. Nathan and Vanya Hoskins – 4 (NL)

113. Tanessa Mcgladdery – 4 (NL)

Johnny is a great example of the differences between this year’s list and last year’s. I only saw him at parties and we frequently had great conversations. But I never logged a one on one with him and I don’t even know his last name! The other new friends are from a combination of church, a play I worked on (Romeo & Juliet) and Peter Carlone’s weekly Game of Thrones party.

FOUR HANGS, Old friends:

112. Alison Klektau – 4 (NL)

111. Aaron Adams – 4 (NL)

110. Jay Hindle – 4 (NL)

109. Evan Frayne – 4 (NL)

108. Meghan Chenosky – 4 (2)

107. Caitlin Mcarthy – 4 (2)

106. Mike Hodge – 4 (2)

105. Steve Lockhart – 4 (5)

A slight drop for Steve Lockhart is probably more telling than the numbers show. He got a girlfriend and started school and, subsequently, I’ve seen him a lot less. Mike Hodge is about on par with his face time from last year, which is still down hugely from 2011, due mostly to the Canucks failure to advance deep in playoffs. Jay Hindle is blast-from-the-pasting, a peer from Uvic turned into a friend in Vancouver. Alison Klektau’s number are the opposite of Steve Lockhart’s, she’s likely logging similar face time as last year, but my accounting is more exhaustive.

FOUR HANGS, Out of Town:

(Pictured: Derek Heathfield w/ Kevin Read & Earl Maynard)

104. Renee St. Cyr – 4 (NL)

103. Kyla Ferrier – 4 (NL)

102 Amy Baskin – 4 (NL)

101. Heather Cant – 4 (NL)

100. Marlene Ginader – 4 (NL)

99. Derrick Pelletier – 4 (NL)

98. Derek Heathfield – 4 (10)

97. Shawn Blatch – 4 (3)

(Pictured: Sugar sweet Shawn B.)

I spent some time in Kamloops doing a couple of different projects this year, giving me more time with Heather and Amy. It’s interesting to compare their stats with Renee, Kyla, and Marlene’s. Heather and Amy I saw in Kamloops. The other three logged their stats while they were in Vancouver. Both Marlene’s and Renee’s came from before they moved (living the mystery of how many they’d’ve logged had they stayed put), while Kyla’s came as a combination of moving back and visiting. Derrick’s stats came in majoretty from hockey related activities (Canuck games and hockey pool drafts). Derek’s were a combination of him visiting Van and me visiting Vancouver and Shawn’s were all in one lump while we were both home for Christmas. Both Derek and Shawn would have stats through the roof if we lived in the same town.

FIVE-SIX HANGS, New Friends:

96. Lindsey Winch – 5 (NL)

95. Lochlin Johnston – 6 (NL)

94. Pippa Johnstone – 6 (NL)

93. Alex Hudson – 6 (NL)

92. Sean Marshall – 6 (NL)

91. Graeme Mccomb – 6 (NL)

I knew Lochlin before this year, but touring the Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe with him as technical director, helped me to become friends with him. Lindsey and Graeme run in the same circles. Lindsey was in a play I wrote for the PULL festival and I saw Graeme in ‘Cranked’ in April. We’ve all been to a few parties together and Graeme is certainly one of the runners-up for rookie of the year. I remember the first time I saw Sean was in Machinal at SFU in 2010, but I didn’t really hang out with him until this year. Pippa is a delightful new friend from Pacific Theatre where my wife works (and I sometime do too). She is an apprentice. Alex Hudson is another new friend from Peter’s Game of Thrones night. He’s a lawyer but I still run into him at parties.

FIVE-SIX HANGS, Old Friends:

(Pictured: Britt Wainwright, with me, circa 2006ish)

90. Luc Rodrique – 5 (NL)

89. Gio mocibob – 5 (NL)

88. Kirsty Provan – 5 (NL)

87. Susie Coodin – 5 (NL)

86. Chris Cook – 5 (NL)

85. Dan Johnston – 5 (NL)

84. Jay Clift – 5 (2)

83. Adam Charles – 5 (2)

82. James Kot – 5 (4)

81. Mere Grantier – 6 (NL)

80. Julia Church – 6 (NL)

79. Janet Edmison – 6 (NL)

78. Bill Burke – 6 (NL)

77. Britt Wainwright – 6 (NL)

76. James Avramenko – 6 (NL)

75. Kayvon Kelly – 6 (4)

74. Andrew Chong – 6 (7)

73. Tristan Thompson – 6 (7)

(Pictured: Tristan Thompson on the drums)

Things are too heavy in here to talk about everyone. I’m glad to see Dan Johnston back on the list after a reprieve in 2012 (after living with me in 2011). Kirsty’s numbers got a big boost during the week or two that Kat Gauthier was having going away parties. Adam Charles vowed to boost his numbers last January and did, but moving to Chilliwack and being out of town on contract a lot stopped him from boosting them much. Susie and I did a staged reading with Western Gold Theatre, which does not necessitate hang stats, but when you work together you have a better opportunity to hang together. Tristan came in around the same spot as last year. I’m surprised to see Andrew Chong lose a hang stat this year instead of gaining one. Though he and his wife, Jen, both live in North Van now while Jen used to live a few blocks away. It was nice to spend time with Bill Burke this year. So many of the NLs on this list are more a result of counting more thoroughly than they are seeing more frequently.

FIVE-SIX FRIENDS, Out of Town:

(Pictured: I once found Mike asleep in his house like this)

72. Jameson Parker – 5 (NL)

71. Peter Drake – 5 (2)

70. Cam Anderson – 6 (4)

69. Clayton Coxford – 6 (5)

68. Janine Coxford – 6 (5)

67. Mike Cambridge – 6 (5)

66. Kat Gauthier – 6 (8)

All of these folks lived in Van then left (Jameson, Kat) or moved to Van from away (Janine, Clayton, Mike), or both (Cam and Peter). Kat and I were in a play together when I first moved here and always meant to hang out more. I’m glad we finally got around to it just before she moved. Cam was here, then left then came back. Peter was gone, moved here, then went again. I actually think I hung out with Mike more when he lived in Kelowna than I do now that he lives here. Although he just had a baby and he lives in North Van so I’m not surprised.

SEVEN-EIGHT HANGS, New Friends:

(Pictured: Nicol Spinola dressed as a Kitty Cat)

65. Nicol Spinola – 7 (NL)

64. Mishelle Cutler – 7 (NL)

63. Kenton Klassen – 7 (NL)

62. Jarrett Knowles – 7 (NL)

Performing in the Cat and the Hat from Janurary to March was an opportunity to make a few good new friends, Nicol being one of them. Mishelle is another interesting person on the list in that we don’t know each other all that well but spent a fair amount of time together. Kenton is also an apprentice at Pacific Theatre this year and is a very charming young man. Jerry and I have an inordinate amount of interests in common and should probably form a gang. Along with Graeme McComb and Jacob Best, Jerry rounds out the Rookie of the Year also-rans. A valiant effort from these lads, the winner is yet to come.

SEVEN-EIGHT HANGS, Old Friends:

(Pictured: Katie Johnston way back in the day)

61. Sea bass – 7 (NL)

60. Pippa Mackie – 7 (NL)

59. Kenton Wiens – 7 (NL)

58. Katrina Niebergal – 7 (NL)

57. Kate Richard – 7 (4)

56. Ivan Decker – 7 (3)

55. Katie Johnston – 7 (8)

54. Bas & Lindsay Underhill – 8 (NL)

53. Ella Simon – 8 (2)

52. Aimee Odegard – 8 (3)

51. Jen chong – 8 (9)

(Pictured: Ella Simon voting Brant off Survivor: Queen Elizabeth)

Ivan has been a mover and a shaker on this list since it’s inception, his progress has been gradual but well-rounded. I’d like to see Katie Johnston with more stats but sometimes life gets in the way of living. The Underhill’s and Aimee Odegard put together fine years, with plenty of late night lifegroup hangs. Ella is one of the biggest anomalies on the list; I have no idea how she ended up with four times more stats than her husband, Stefano (although perhaps it’s Stefano who is the outlier).

SEVEN-EIGHT HANGS, Out of Town:

(Pictured: Busting makes Chris Wilson feel good)

50. Chris Wilson – 7 (13)

49. Kelsey Gilker – 8 (NL)

Last year, I posited that Chris might be able to log more stats living out of town than he did living in Vancouver in 2012. This hypothesis was proven wrong, but he was still pretty close. He’s already logged 11 additional hangs for 2014 and had the season been anything other than Jan. 1 to Dec. 31 he probably would’ve pulled it off. Kelsey was another recipient of stats from my trips to Kamloops, she falls into an interesting category as being one of the only out of towners who is also a new friend who logged 4+ stats.

NINE-TEN HANGS, New Friends:

(Pictured: Kayla and I in Cat in the Hat gothic)

48. Kayla Dunbar – 9 (NL)

Another Cat in the Hatter, Kayla, is the winner of the 2013 Rookie of the Year award. Without being in a show together, 2014’s hang stats might be much less meagre but Kayla already feels like an old friend.

NINE-TEN HANGS, Old Friends:

(Andy Perdomo and Darlisa Turcotte enjoying a beer)

47. Matt Rezneck – 9 (NL)

46. Richard Bones – 9 (NL)

45. Scott Button – 9 (NL)

44. Phil Miguel – 9 (3)

43. Brett Harris – 9 (8)

42. Andy Perdomo – 9 (5)

41. Darlisa turcotte – 9 (9)

40. Byron Noble – 10 (NL)

39. Sean Oliver – 11 (NL)

38. Arlen Tom – 10 (6)

37. Kyle Sutherland – 10 (6)

Interesting that last years Rookie of the Year, Darlisa, stays at the same spot with the same stats as she did last year. Apparently it takes nine hang-outs to really win me over.

NINE-TEN HANGS, Out of Town:

(Pictured: Rap game Jane Sanden)

36. Jane Sanden – 10 (5)

Jane left town in late June, but not before hitting double digits.

(Pictured: Dustin Senos in full bro mode)

35. Dustin Senos – 11 (2)

34. Amanda Costa – 12 (NL)

33. Bryan Nothling – 12 (6)

32. Brad Iles – 12 (6)

31. Steve Atherton – 12 (5)

30. Lance Odegard – 12 (6)

29. Chris Cochrane – 13 (4)

28. Katie Takefman – 14 (3)

27. Colby Wilson – 14 (14)

LYR – 13

26. Genevieve Fleming – 14 (NL)

25. Matt Lockhart – 14 (12)

LYR – 14

(Pictured: Lockhart looking squirrely)

Pretty great turn out for Dustin considering he lives in San Francisco. He, as well as Matt Lockhart and Brad Iles, was aided strongly by a 7-day trip to Mexico. Without taking anything away from Matt, 14 hangs when you’re a ferry ride away is pretty comparable to being a two-day drive’s distance (that’s a confusing sentence, but whatever). Amanda Costa deserves mad props for her 12 stats; out of no where. Steve Atherton could’ve been a lot higher but we seem to be on sort of opposite schedules. Whenever I phone him, he’s in Kelowna and when he phones me I’m who knows where. Lance Odegard is one of the biggest fans of these end of the year lists so it’s nice to see him double his 2012 numbers. A giant boost to Genevieve who narrowed her eyes at missing last years list. And Colby Wilson holds steady with 14 hang outs though, along with Matt, becomes the first person to fall out of last year’s top 20 rankings… but only just.

(Pictured: MJ voting Brant off Survivor: Queen Elizabeth)

24. Maddy – 15 (8)

23. MJ Eden – 15 (4)

22. Jordan lyut – 15 (18)

LYR – 9

21. Jamie Taylor – 16 (12)

LYR – 18

(Pictured: Jamie Taylor getting all Gypsy with Curtis Collier and Justin Munkholm looking on)

MJ brought the noise over a short span of time, then moved to NYC. Jordan Lyut loses some footing from the number nine slot last year, his hangs might be less frequent than others but they’re all high quality. Maddy Wilson doubles her stats from last year. A solid showing. Jamie actually increased her face time over the course of 2013 but she couldn’t quite squeak into the top twenty. Maybe next year, Jamie.

20. Sebastian archibald – 17 (14)

LYR – 12

(Pictured: Sebastian Archibald palling around with Chris Wilson in 2004. That’s TEN YEARS AGO!!)

Another friend who increased his hang stats but lost his rating dominance, Sebastian tends to be a streaky hanger. I’ll see him three times in one week and then go months without a mere glance.

19. Rachel Aberle – 17 (3)

(Pictured: Me fixing Rachel’s hair)

One of the most criminally underrated from 2012, I’m glad to see Rachel enjoying a top twenty finish to 2013.

18. Kristen Sawatsky – 17 (16)

LYR – 10

A consistent finish for Kristen up at the 17 point mark. After a recent move to a block away, her numbers for 2014 could reach even higher.

17. Amitai Marmorstein – 18 (22)

(Pictured: Amitai and I in probably 2003)

LYR – 5

One of the highest ranking plummets on the list, it’s hard to go up from a number like 22. Eighteen hangs is still pretty legitimate but dropping from the top five into the bottom of the top twenty is fairly drastic.

16. Gordon Family – 18 (17)

(Pictured: Some various Gordon-Types)

LYR – 7

I saw my family one more time this year than I did last year. You can’t argue with consistency.

15. Cail Judy – 19 (NL)

Ineligible for rookie status, Cail certainly put up a battle in his first year on the list. He started a regular book club that I enjoy quite a lot.

14. Christine Quintana – 20 (9)

(Pictured: Christine voting Brant off Survivor: Queen Elizabeth)

I was reasonably certain that Christine was going to lose stats this year but she more than doubled last year’s impressive numbers. Last year we worked on a play together and worked at a theatre school together. This year we didn’t do any of that. Yet here she is, persistent and surprising as always.

12. Kirk Smith – 21 (2)

(Pictured: Kirk not wearing much of a shirt)

The greatest profiter from the Kamloops trips this year, Kirk and I put on a ten minutes play together, in the meantime, I stayed at his house and drank his Palm Bays and got him to get me cookies from the Double Tree across the street.

13. Pembrooke – 21 (18)

LYR – 8

I always like to compare boyfriend and girlfriend’s stats. Kristen and Jordan, as well as Andrew and Jen, were two off, Clayton and Janine were tied and Pem and Curtis are three off. This speaks well to Pembrooke’s ability to hang.

11. Chelsea Haberlin – 22 (13)

LYR – 16

Speaking of Boyfriend and Girlfriend stats, Chelsea and Sebastian represent the greatest statistical gap. I think this has to do with a number of factors, the number one being that Sebastian is finally starting to get old. Enough about him though, Chelsea represents the first person from last year’s top twenty who has moved up in the rankings. Congratulations, great job!

10. Laura Mclean – 24 (NL)

(I can’t get my phone to load pictures to my computer anymore. If I want to do it, I have to upload them directly to facebook. It’s the worst.)

Laura's hang stats were the most difficult to account for as every day in a theatre tour can't count as a hang out. But of course, going out for dinner together, seeing a movie, or any other social gathering should not be negated simply because you're on the road with a coworker. This is my best guess at quantifying my time with Laura. Still a very solid turnout.

9. Curtis Collier – 24 (26)

(PIctured: Curtis having a good time at the Cobalt)

LYR – 4

From a purely statistical point of view, Curtis's drop seems negligible but if you look closer at last year's numbers you realize that he logged his 26 in about six months after moving to Van from Montreal. His schooling and subsequent career were a blip on the radar last year that I didn't pay close enough attention to. Of course, the first year as a teacher is notoriously difficult and I'm sure he'll bounce back. I predict that his upcoming wedding will also help his stats in 2014.

8. Nolan – 24 (9)

(Pictured: What happens when Nolan drinks Palm Bay)

LYR – 20

Nolan put together a magnificent season in 2013 thanks to the intention of being out of town but still near. He could come to town often so he did. And because he wasn’t always here, I made every effort I could to see him. He moved to Vancouver ‘full time’ in November. I still see him a lot but the effort isn’t there night in night out. It’s an interesting trend I’ve noticed with friends from out of town but I do think we’ll hang out more in 2014 now that a lot of my travel has died down.

7. Chaad – 27 (14)

(Pictured: Chaad standing in the sink spraying the hose tap all over Kevin Read)

LYR – 11

I don’t exactly know what accounts for Chaad’s giant jump from 2012. Certainly the Mexico trip didn’t hurt, but even without those 7 stats he’s increased his hanging number by six tallies. That’s just under 50 percent. And he moved farther away. And he got a girlfriend. As I write, I realize it must be job related, as he left his work at some point in the last year and joined the vagrant lifestyle of East Van Crusty Punks (but located in the Kitsilano Charter).

6. Williams family – 30 (22)

(Pictured: Some Williams family members)

LYR – 6

A few trips a year up to Ladner, birthdays, Christmas and Miscellaneous can add up pretty quick, as the William’s family logs a stat more than once per two weeks.

5. Andrea Bull – 44 (NL)

(Pictured: Andrea and Jon sharing a slow dance at the Biltmore)

The first Golden Future representative, Andrea’s relationship with Jonny Flahr, her proximity, and her general awesomeness have put her through the stratosphere of hang stats.

4. Brant Hardy – 54 (35)

(Pictured: Brant got voted off Survivor: Queen Elizabeth. Unfortunately for him there was no house of cards building challenge. Also that beer looks comically huge)

LYR – 2

A slight fall from last year’s second place, Brant, is only a handful of stats off from this year’s second place. The race was tight between fourth and second, and Brant’s location in gastown hurt him pretty badly.

3. Jonny Flahr – 55 (29)

(Pictured: Jonny building a big Jenga tower at Rumpus Room)

LYR – 3

A funny thing happens sometimes where a good friend of yours meets another good friend of yours and the two of them also become good friends. It’s like a little exponent next to a whole number. If one friend had 3 hangs stats on the year and the other friend had 3, there’d be a pretty good chance that both those friends would go up to 9. This is kind of what’s happened to Jonny in the last year and a half. He became good friends with Peter, the reigning champion of hang stats. Peter was already basically saturated for time with me. But Jonny almost doubled his already good stats from last year. He held steady at 3^rd place and he shows no signs of stopping.

2. John Voth – 59 (13)

LYR – 17

John Voth is the kind of friend who puts in the effort. I don’t know if there’s much better a compliment to be paid in the world of friendship. The nuts and bolts of all the hang stats, excluding some outliers, is effort. It takes both parties and it takes determination. There are extenuating circumstances that can bump someone’s numbers but ultimately, even if you live in the same building, there’s an effort to be put in to spend time with people. John is loyal and John is kind. He cares and he’s willing to put work into his relationships and for that I’m thankful.

1. Peter – 95 (101)

(Pictured: Peter sharing a romantic moment at Nina and Trevor’s wedding)

LYR - 1

Peter’s stats are down slightly from last year but he’s still the head and shoulders, undisputed champ. Yes, he lives below me, but he also disappears for nearly four months every year on various sketch festivals and fringe tours. I believe his numbers are down because he’s been so busy this year. And not just out of town busy, but also, ‘ah, I can’t come up cause I’ve gotta finish this project,’ busy. Either way, I’m always glad to slide down stairs and have a quick ‘adult chat’ or hustle over to the Rumpus Room for a pickle back. Long live the king!

Of course, at the end of all this, the true champion is my babely wife Kaitlin. I probably log upwards of 360 hang stats a year with her, forever. She wins. She wins. She wins.

FINAL MISC. STATS

Exercise

Pilates – 69

Jan. - 11

Feb - 10

March - 17

April – 6

May - 8

June - 3

July

August - 11

September - 6

October - 8

November – 6

December - 28

Runs - 19

Jan – 5

Feb – 0

March – 3

April – 3

March – 0

May – 3

June – 1

July – 1

August – 1

September – 0

October – 1

November – 1

Yoga – 1

August 14

Bike Rides - 71

Sports

Hockey Live

March 20

Hockey on TV

Regular Season – 19 games

Playoffs – 8 games

Baseball Live

June 23

June 29

July 22

Football on TV

Jan 13 x 2

Feb 3

Haircuts

One before April 9

April 9

July 2

September 18

November 16 – Trim

November 26

Swimming

Hot Tubs

March 23

November 1

November 29

November 30

Pool

July 29

November 1

November 4 - 11

Nature

November 4 – Nov 11

2013 Year in Review - Movies

Here is a quick list, in descending order of favourites, of the films I rewatched in 2013:

9. The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe

8. The Neverending Story

7. Notorious

6. Buffalo 66

5. Night of the Living Dead

4. Singin’ in the Rain

3. Grizzly Man

2. Inland Empire

1. The Godfather

Here is a quick list, in descending order of favourite, of the short films I watched in 2013:

6. A Walk with Kiarostami

5. Moral Tales – Filmic Issues – an Interview with Eric Rohmer

4. Noah – An entire movie that takes place on a computer screen

3. Reflections of Christ

2. The Bakery Girl of Monceau

1. 3-D Printed Guns – Vice Special

Here is a list – with some comments – in descending order of favourite, of the feature films I watched for the first time in 2013:

51. Night of the Living Dead: Reanimation

Really not good. I rank all my movies on IMDB out of ten. This movie got a one.

50. Cedar Rapids (2011)

Whatever. It’s the start on the list of a couple of 4/10s.

49. Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie (2012)

Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar waste of time. The lo-fi weirdness of the TV series is totally missing.

48. The Bling Ring (2013)

So irritating and repetitive.

47. Jubilee (1978)

I was always really interested in Jubilee from its Criterion description. I could never find it anywhere so finally I broke down and bought it. Man was it disappointing, poorly made and confusing. The production design is the most rewarding feature, post-apocalyptic sex-pistolly punk.

46. Oblivion (2013)

Sometimes you watch so many good movies that you forget how hard it is to make film great. Movies like Oblivion remind you. A good idea and lots of money do not necessarily make a good movie. This one moves the list up to 5/10.

45. Fast & Furious 6 (2013)

So ridiculous.

44. Happy People (2010) - Documentary

The problem with this movie, and it’s a big one, is that the voice used to dub over the wilderness men is grating and monotone. It’s a Herzog movie. If Herzog had done the voice-overs and dubbings, it could’ve been brilliant. But instead, I could hardly stand it.

43. Lincoln (2012)

Man what a boring movie. To tag onto the Oblivion note, a genius ability to make film and a lot of money also don’t necessarily make a story exciting.

42. Maidstone (1970)

A very interesting and bad movie made by Norman Mailer. I found the screenplay without knowing it was a movie and watched while I read. Without the aid of the descriptions in the screenplay I wouldn’t have had any idea what was happening.

41. The Overcoat

A theatrical play in Vancouver. I found this DVD in a bargain bin at Giant Tiger in Winnipeg. It isn’t really fair to compare it to the other movies on this list. I bet the play was amazing but theatre always translates weirdly to film. The list runs at 6/10 from here for a while.

40. The Proposition (2005)

I was expecting more from The Proposition. It’s pretty straight forward.

39. And Everything is Going Fine (2010)

A documentary on the life of Spalding Gray. It pales in comparison with Gray’s own documents. When your body of work is autobiographical, a 90 minute summation seems thin.

38. A Separation (2011)

An Iranian film about a mother, determined to leave the country in order to provide a better life for her daughter, her husband, who refuses to leave out of a duty to be with his Alzheimer suffering father, and their subsequent divorce.

37. Les Miserables (2012)

I really really liked the approach of close-ups and live off the floor singing. I was totally into the first half of the story with Anne Hathaway just killing it and all but the second half really fell off for me. I have to be honest, I find the plot of the musical Les Mis really forced and unreal. I saw the stage play for the first time this year as well and I just don’t get a lot of the characters. The motivations behind the whole rebellion just feel flat and Javert is totally unreal. People act in ways that don’t mesh with my understanding of the human spirit. Maybe it’s just me.

36. Room 237 (2012) – Documentary

Some serious conspiracy theories about The Shining. Some of them are interesting and some of them are insane. Mostly it reminded me of University academics reading soooooo much into things.

35. Bug (2006)

A tight little mind trip that achieves what it sets out to do. Paranoid and intelligent but not always very fun.

34. Suzanne’s Career (1963)

The most interesting thing in Eric Rohmer’s films is how he tries to synthesize the medium of literature onto the canvas of film. Sometimes it works better than others. Claire’s Knee is incredibly successful and Suzanne’s Career is less so.

33. Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid (1973)

Mostly interesting because of Bob Dylan’s guest star and score.

32. The Rise and Fall of WCW (2009) – Documentary

A WWE produced doc on the war between the two federations and the subsequent take over of World Championship Wrestling. What’s interesting about wrestling is that there are always two stories going on. The story you see in the ring and the story of the organizations themselves. Wrestling is the greatest televised, operatic masquerade party on earth; the bear-baiting of the twentieth century.

31. This is not a film (2011) - Documentary

An Iranian film maker, under house arrest and banned from making films, depicts a day in his life. The only real narrative is that he tries to explain, in detail, the narrative of a film he’d like to make. There is much about life, art, and freedom to parse in this film. It’s boring at parts and heart breaking in others.

30. Killing Them Softly (2012)

The beginning half of this movie is bomb ass. It’s so well put together. The score tells a story as compelling as the visuals and the style takes your breath away. Unfortunately, it descends into boredom as, one after another, two person scenes unfold with less and less excitement. Good last lines though.

29. The Place Beyond the Pines (2012)

SPOILERS: It’s a really interesting concept to take your main protagonist and scrap him in the middle of the film. This was shocking when Hitchcock did it in Psycho. We get to know Ryan Gosling’s Luke for longer and even better than we got to know Marion Crane. And then he’s gone. We’re left with Bradley Cooper who also abandons us for a storyline following the two men’s sons. The movie spans 15 years and works sort of like an epic novel. It’s not always successful but it is always interesting.

28. Brooklyn Castle (2012) - Documentary

Young children from an underprivileged school in Brooklyn become chess prodigies. It follows a bunch of kids who have varying results at chess tournaments around the state. Nothing is sadder than seeing kids pour their lives into something and then fail. That’s not really what this movie is about, but I can’t deny it’s what I took away.

27. Hunger Games: Catching Fire (2013)

Not as good as the first one, Catching Fire still has some good moments. All together too much blue tinge though.

26. The World’s End

A pretty fun, quest style movie. Don’t let people overrate it for you. Really reminded me of Attack the Block.

25. Rebelle (War Witch) (2012)

Grim portrayal of children soldiers in Africa. Spooky and unnerving.

24. The Story of Film: An Odyssey (2011) – Documentary

A 15-hour, nearly exhaustive digging into movie history, Mark Cousins focuses on world cinema and explores sometimes obvious but always intriguing trends in movie culture. It was worth watching but occasionally pretty dry, Cousin’s narration started off being annoying but it soon grew on me.

23. Ikiru (1952)

This is one of those great movies that you hear about for so long that when you finally watch it and it moves slowly and doesn’t trap you in its grasp you get pretty disappointed about. It’s still really good but it’s not as good as you were hoping.

22. Castle in the Sky (1986)

Sometimes I feel like I’d enjoy Miyazaki more if it wasn’t translated into English. I hate to admit it but I just get kind of bored sometimes. It’s a beautiful film but I’m waiting for it to be over.

21. Queen of Versailles (2012) - Documentary

An exercise in surprising empathy, this doc starts off trying to capture the life of a family attempting to build the biggest home in America. When the economic downturn hits we get a completely different story. The family has to learn to live frugally. They suffer and fail. Somehow, we feel compassion for them despite their disgusting displays of excess.

20. This is the End (2013)

I love a good end of the world story. Michael Cera alone makes this movie worth watching.

19. The Invisible War (2012) – Documentary

A stirring look inside the epidemic of rape in the American military.

18. Amour (2012)

There’s no added score to this film. It is unrelenting with its realism.

17. Picnic at Hanging Rock (1975)

A creepy and odd Australian movie that deals with the mysterious disappearance of a group of school girls.

16. Django Unchained (2012)

A very entertaining story with lots to chew on and be offended or not offended by. I like how much conversation Django stirred up but the movie itself isn’t as powerful as Tarantino’s others.

15. Conan O’Brien Can’t Stop (2011) - Documentary

Conan O’Brien comes off as a total asshole in this behind the scenes look at his career post ‘Tonight Show.’ But you don’t really blame him because it actually seems a necessary component of his success. It hurts my heart that it seems like being an oversensitive egomaniac is the only way to make it in the world of showbiz comedy.

14. The Tillman Story (2010) – Documentary

Pat Tillman, an NFL football player who left the league to serve his country in the military, was killed by friendly fire. What followed was a cover-up to protect the soldiers that killed him. What also followed was a campaign by the military to vaunt Tillman to the top echelons of hero worship. But Pat Tillman never wanted to be a hero and he certainly never wanted to be a poster boy for an establishment he was finding he disagreed with more and more. A heartbreaking piece.

13. The Magician (1958)

A philosophical meditation by Ingmar Bergman, this movie has a mood that you can’t shake. We’re at 7/10 on my IMDB rankings now.

12. Midnight Cowboy (1969)

How many times can they play the same song in one movie? Midnight Cowboy really puts you into a derelict and sleazy state of mind. You’re plunged into the world of New York City with no money and few prospects. I found it hard to shake afterwards, the mark of a successful film.

11. 5 Broken Cameras (2011) - Documentary

An absolutely harrowing documentary superficially tracking the vision of 5 cameras. A Palestinian peasant procures a camera after his fourth son’s birth. What begins as home videos quickly turns into first person accounts of Isreali occupation. As the filmmaker’s village insists on peaceful protest, more and more of the scenes end in explosions of tear gas. Children are wounded, family is arrested and the camera is always in the centre of the action. It reminded me of the corruption and frustration one feels watching Harlan County, USA. An eye-opening film.

10. Double Indemnity (1944)

I went to see this movie at the Cinematheque right around the time I started to drink coffee. I had one in the theatre and was just buzzing. The dialogue in this film is snappy and cool. I really enjoyed it but man I had to get out of there!

9. Searching for Sugar Man (2012) - Documentary

By now you’ve all probably heard about this movie. It’s good, it’s surprising, and the music is amazing.

8. Seven Up! (1964), 21 Up (1977), 28 Up (1984)

“Give me a child until he is seven and I will give you the man!” A series of documentaries catching up with the same set of people every 7 years, starting at age 7. They set out to show the difference socioeconomic background can make to the future of a human and end up showing us so much more. It’s funny, sad, and real. Out of order Binge-watching of the Up series is not recommended. Because these films, beginning in 1964, came out before the advent of video recording, they involve a lot archival footage from the previous films. Each film is longer than the one previous, with more review of what happened last time. I missed the second in the series (was watching over the holidays with my parents), and yet I didn’t miss much. They’re definitely worth watching, I’m just saying, our culture of consuming an entire tv-series in one sitting is not beneficial to the format of these films. Have a little patience. Blah blah blah.

7. The Hurt Locker (2008)

I’d always put off seeing The Hurt Locker but after I liked Zero Dark Thirty so much I couldn’t wait any longer. The Hurt Locker is intense and personal but the context is a little less interesting than ZD30.

6. Kumare (2011) – Documentary

An Indian man, raised in New Jersey, decides to put on a Borat-like demonstration. He poses as a guru and successfully recruits a congregation of followers. But as he begins to love his followers and they really and truly follow his non-teachings, how will be able to tell them the truth, that he was just tricking them the whole time? A funny, illuminating, and tense film.

5. Life of Pi (2012)

I didn’t expect to like Life of Pi and man did I. It was beautiful and engaging and very worth watching.

4. Gravity (2013)

I haven’t felt that kind of tension and anxiety in a movie theatre in a long time. There were parts of the story that I hated more than anything; the unnecessary backstory to make us feel for a character was so pointless. She’s trapped in space with depleting oxygen. Just trust that that’s high stakes enough to get your audience on the hero’s side. And I also really don’t like Sandra Bullock. But it’s a testament to how well put together this movie is visually that I’m still rating it so high despite the amount of times I rolled my eyes.

3. Silver Linings Playbook (2012)

Funny and moving and arresting. Jennifer Lawrence isn’t as good here as she was in Hunger Games (the first one) but she’s still cool. Bradley Cooper is amazing. David O. Russell does with him here what he did with Mark Wahlberg in I Heart Huckabees. The top three all sit at 8/10 on my IMDB ratings.

2. Zero Dark Thirty (2012)

A very dark, exciting, hurting movie.

1. Dear Zachary (2008) - Documentary

Only the saddest documentary (movie?) ever made. Life can be totally unfair to good people. Watch this movie to feel rage and see people cope and somehow go on with their lives in an existence that is worse than your own. I felt genuine grief watching this movie. For a sequence of pictures on a 2 dimensional screen, that is an accomplishment and a travesty.

Posters by: http://danielnorris.tumblr.com/, http://minimalmovieposters.tumblr.com/, phantom city creative, themindreels.com, scott woolston, forge design works, and others. 

The Food I Ate in 2013 - Part Three - The Burgers of my World

I’ve decided to separate chicken burgers and hamburgers into two categories. While they have many factors in common, comparing them would be like rating favourite flowers alongside favourite trees. Chicken burgers and hamburgers are my fruits and vegetables.

CHICKEN BURGERS – 17.5 total

10. Burger King – 1

Burker King’s signature chicken burger, the one that comes in the glorified hot dog bun, must be one of the worst chicken burgers on the market. It’s content is more coleslaw than chicken, they really slather on the mayonnaise turning the confetti shredded lettuce and onions into a wet mess. Pass.

9. Generic Chicken Burgers – 5

A genny is a burg you have to fry, also known as a cutlet.

Always adding inside your paunch and just sits inside your freezer.

So (no)

I won’t open your box (no)

I won’t bake you up and (no)

I don’t wanna give you ketchup (no)

I don’t want you with french fries and (no)

I don’t want that grub

that grub is too breaded to get no love from me

Hanging out the freezer side

of my frigid-air glide

costing two dollars or three.

8. Mcdonald’s – Swiss mushroom – 1

The combination of swiss cheese and mushroom boggles my brain. I wonder if swiss cheese is like cilantro, different people’s taste buds fundamentally function differently with its components. I just don’t get how anyone likes it. It’s like cheese zapped of cheesiness and seasoned with dull vinegar. I tend towards the breaded chicken over the grilled with Mcdonald’s burgers. The grilled chicken there just strikes me as the same stuff you get in microwaveable tv dinners, little chunks of tasteless sodium sponge.

7. Mcdonald’s – BLT – 1

This is the first chick-burg on the list that I actually like. While Mcdonald’s is still Mcdonald’s, and nothing they do can change their greasy reputation, the bistro series is actually a fitting branding strategy. Of course the ‘bistro’ is more the type you’d find in the safeway deli than a cobbled street in Paris, the crisp bacon goes along way toward moving this menu item from a liquid to a solid (unlike its horrid swiss mushroom sister).

6. Carl’s Jr. – Grilled chicken – .5

I split this one with Nolan in a Mexican Airport. We shared two burgers, one was Carl’s Jr. Famous star cheeseburger, the other was this. We both secretly yearned for a king’s portion of the grilled chicken burger. It was a pretty standard fast food chicken burger but it was pretty good.

5. White Spot – Taste of Italy – 1

It looked something like this. 

I don’t know if I’m going crazy or made a logging error but when I tried to google this burger to jog my memory, there was no evidence of its existence. White Spot has no online history of ever doing a ‘Taste of Italy’ promotion. I know that I had it in North Van in March but I can’t remember what was on it or anything. Either way, I know it was better than the mediocre top half of this list, so it finds itself at number 5. It’s a mystery.

4. Wendy’s – Chicken Filet – 2

For my money, the best bang for your buck chicken burger in town comes from Wendy’s. The toppings are light, focusing on the filet itself as the main event. It’s simple and it’s understated. The spicy chicken is too hot for me but a lot of people like it even more.

3. The Market Grill on Granville Island – BBQ chicken – 2

Now we’re getting into some really deluxe chicken burgers. I know my list isn’t exhaustive because I wasn’t on the hunt for the best chicken burger in town or anything like that. While homemade pizza is hot trash, homemade bbq burgers are the total opposite: nothing beats them. The Market Grill gives you a straightforward approach without too many bells and whistles, just good meat, good bun, and good toppings.

2. The Noble Pig – Chicken sandwich – 1

N

The best brew pub in Kamloops also has a killer chicken sandwich. I don’t really like it when they call a chicken burger a chicken sandwich – it makes it seem like they’re trying to get away with something, but the burg is good enough that I won’t hassle them too much (a chicken sandwich is on bread, a chicken burger is on a bun, it’s not that hard). I guess it’s the addition of bacon and the tooth pick through the top that qualifies as argument for sandwich status. Either way, this is a really good chicken and bread combo.

1. Sunset Beach – Grilled bbq chicken burger – 3

Apparently also called Marcyburgers.

Oh boy, this chicken burger is like crack. The lady at the concession is super nice, it’s got melted cheese and sauteed onions on it, it’s got a drippy garlic mayo and it comes in a wax paper half-wrap. You eat it on the beach. It’s everything you want in a burger experience! The best.

HAMBURGERS – 67 sessions 92.5 burgers total

Now onto the important business of rating hamburgers. I love hamburgers not just in their taste but also in their emotion. They’re like baseball: nostalgic and filling to the heart. When you’re a little kid it is a special and important reward to be taken out for a hamburger – good report cards, birthday parties, celebrations. And hamburgers are hard to do poorly. A shitty-seeming, greasy burger is an experience unto itself. Hamburgers are life, encapsulated in ground beef, condiments and two sides of bun.

29. Maverick’s – Mini burgers – 1

I got food poisoning on my birthday from these little delights. They actually tasted really good at the time but come on. Maverick’s is now closed. RIPD.

28. Generic Hamburger – 4 sessions 9 burgers

A lot of these burgers are mediocre. The only one that could be argued as straight-up bad is the generic, frozen together, out of the box, grilled in a pan hamburger. These guys have the greyest of meat and the cardboard-est of taste. You have to really rely on condiments and toppings here. But if you mix in a little ketchup and mayo mix, some marble cheddar, good lettuce, tomato, a little avocado and maybe a few other choice vegetables, you’re still going to have a great time.

27. Main Street Grill – 1

The Burger King on Main St, near Terminal, closed down and Main Street Grill Opened up. I ventured in to see what this new stand was all about. Essentially it was just Burger King rebranded as a nineties skate park with really good french fries, half the beef and twice the cardboard. It was one of the worst burgers I’ve ever eaten but the 90’s skate park appeal bumped it above my own prefrozen concoctions.

26. Tie

Wendy’s – Pretzel bacon cheese – 1

Wendy’s – Portabella bacon cheeseburger – 1 

One of the worst ideas Wendy’s has ever had, and yet they keep going back to it, is the melted cheese innovation. The bacon mushroom melt started it and the pretzel and portabello burgers carry on the tradition. It is essentially 7-11 nacho cheese topping added to the beauty of a Wendy’s burger. All it does is cut down on meat taste and add slop. The pretzel bun didn’t really do it for me either. It just seemed stale. The portabellos were like tadpoles.

24. A & W – Momma burger – 3

Just a bit of a simple pinner. The momma burger is what can go wrong if you try too hard not to mess with a good thing. It’s just kind of bland and boring.

23. Mcdonald’s – Cheeseburger – 1 session 2 burgers

Sort of the opposite of the mama burger, the Mcdonald’s regular cheeseburger is a great little package. It’s biggest problem is that you can do so much better at McD’s. For just a few cents more you can upgrade to the Mcdouble or a double cheeseburger. At this size, twice the meat with the same amount of bun is a good gamble that pays off every time (this is not as true when you get up to 4 oz patties).

22. Dairy Queen – Cheeseburger – 1 session 2 burgers

A good burger with a lot of taste. DQ’s char broiler is unique and smokey. The biggest problem with this burger is how it makes you feel afterwards. Yuck.

21. Carls Jr – Famous star cheeseburger – .5

This was the other half in the burger share Nolan and I partook in at the Mexican airport. The Famous Star is the epitomy of mediocrity. It tasted like any other cheeseburger you could ever imagine.

20. Fat Burger – Bacon cheese – 1

Fat burger has a good bun going for it, and some good toppings but the patty has to be the heart and soul of your burger. I don’t find the patty any better than a standard DQ grilled burger. And that’s not good enough to be very high on this list.

19. Boston Pizza – Prime rib burger – 1

I think I’ve put up with bad nomenclature long enough. This burger is not prime rib. It’s an okay burger but calling it prime rib set me up for an expectation that ground beef had no chance of meeting.

18. Mcdonalds – Big mac – 1

The Al Pacino of hamburgers. A consistent classic that just can’t quite stack up anymore. As burgers got better, the Big Mac stayed the same. People still like it out of tradition. It deserves the respect that it earned. I just don’t really care to eat it anymore.

17. Bridges on Granville Island – Cheeseburger – 1

At $17+, Bridges falls low for its cost efficiency. The Burger is good not great and it costs $17! You could get more than 10 Mcdoubles for $17. Get real.

16. Mcdonalds – Quarter pounder with cheese – 1

As far as proportions go, if you’re looking for a simple beefy taste, the quarter pounder has it mastered. The composition of ketchup, mustard, onions, pickles, meat, cheese, and bun is scientifically precise. For me it’s missing tomato, lettuce, and mayo. It lacks the freshness that the Junior Bacon Cheeseburger from Wendy’s provides. It’s also essentially the same as the Mcdouble (literally, it has the same ingredients but the Mcdouble has one less slice of cheese and two separate smaller patties) but twice the price.

15. Burger King – Whopper – 2

The Whopper has fallen down my ranks a lot in the past few years. It was arguably my favourite fast food burger for a while but it seems like quality craftsmanship has been totally obliterated from the Burger King brand. It is next to impossible to get a Whopper that isn’t bun-akimbo and flooded with mayo. The overstock of condiments frequently makes me feel sick and the Whopper just can’t be trusted anymore.

14. Five Guys – Cheeseburger – 1

I don’t really understand the hype behind Five Guys. It’s a good burger but it’s not the best burger. There’s a huge contingent that think Five Guys is the best fast food burger in the world. It’s really just the poor man’s In ‘n Out. The appeal is its simplicity, start with a hamburger and just tell us what you want on it. You don’t have to deal with stupid names that don’t allude to what you’re getting (ahem, Carl’s Jr. ‘Famous Star’). It also embraces the squished, ugly, greasy burger lifestyle, which I can respect, but the taste itself is no better than its competition.

13. Burger king – Whopper jr – 3

The lapsed work-ethic of the Whopper moves the Whopper jr up a few pegs in the standings. It’s got the charbroiled taste I love with only have the condiment disaster. The bun is also a lot smaller, creating a tighter, neater burger experience.

12. The Burger Bus – Bison burger – 1

There are two main drawbacks to food truck burgers, the price and the wait. While they are better than most fast food burgs they’re not on par with restaurant burgers. They live in the world between ease and gourmet but they view themselves as being better than both. I respect and appreciate fresh and organic ingredients but I’m not willing to sacrifice taste for title. I’m sure there are better food truck burgers out there but, like I said in the chicken burger section, this is not an exhaustive list. It’s just what I ate. Bison might be looked on as higher than beef (more healthy? More sustainable? Chemical free?) but the gamey taste gets me down.

11. Veras – Mini burgers – 1

These don’t look as good as I remember. 

I actually prefer these mini burgers to Vera’s regular staple. The bun was smaller, giving the ingredients a better proportion.

10. Joe’s Grill – 1

The simplest burger there is. No bells and whistles, Peter Carlone calls it Bob’s burgers (after the tv show) because it is everything you’ve come to expect from a cartoon burger. If you like the idea of Wimpy from Popeye, “I’ll gladly you pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today,” then you’d like Joe’s Grill.

9. Mcdonald’s - Mcdouble – 19 sessions 36 burgers

The greasiest, cheapest, simplest burger in the business. Forget the hype, this guy is sometimes not even on the menu. He’s got a slice of cheese less than his more popular brother, the double cheese burger, but he’s also twenty-percent cheaper. You can get a meal with two mcdoubles and a small fries for under five bucks. For your health!

8. Wendy’s – single with cheese – 2

A classic, the square patty, the toppings, and the cheese to meat ratio, make this burger better than your average fast food. Consistency in crafting has occasionally been a problem at the Wendy’s in Vancouver but the single with cheese simply can’t be denied.

7. A and W – Teen burger – 2

Teen burgers are delicate things. When made-well, with care and attention, they are marvelous. When made poorly, they find themselves as far down the list as the whopper has fallen. But where Burger King seems to be losing quality, A &W is refining itself into a culinary institute. The toasted buns, metal trays, and wax paper half-wraps all help.

6. Mcdonald’s Angus – Bacon cheese – 7

I don’t care what anyone says, the Mcdonald’s bacon cheese angus burger is a step above Mcdonald’s ordinary fare. It is probably not as healthy, and the ambience is obviously not the same, but it compares with some of the best restaurant burgers in town.

5. Market Grill - Granville Island – 1

A simple, home-made style, burger with great ingredients and a really good bun. It’s got the least character in the top five but don’t underestimate it.

4. Wendy’s – Jr Bacon Cheese – 5 in 3 sessions

There’s just something special about a JBC. The ingredients are fine but the proportions are perfect. If you could do a hybrid with the quality of Romer’s mixed with the precision measured JBC, you might have the perfect burger on your hands.

3. Alibi Room – Bison burger - 1

You can almost judge the quality of a burger on how shiny its bun is. All three of my top burgers have those weird yellowy-breaded, shiny buns. I’m not totally sold on these buns but the burgers within are always the best. I don’t think correlation equals causation though. I’m still on the lookout for the insides of a burg from one of these fancier establishments mixed with the perfection of certain fast food buns.

2. Rumpus Room – Basic burger – 4

At Rumpus Room, they make their burgers a little bit rare. I’ve sent one back before out of fear. I was assured at the time that they cooked them this way because the beef is so fresh, organic, and local that e. coli and other toxins is not a factor. I don’t know how true this is but every burger there since has been cooked to the same level. Consistency in burgers is important. So the basic burger is always fresh and juicy. And it’s only 9 dollars. And it has a shiny bun. So you know it’s good.

1. Romer’s – Man’s man – 1

Peep these ingredients: thick applewood bacon, amber ale cheddar, smoked alder salts, onion strings, vine-ripened tomato, and whole-grain mustard. At the risk of getting too caught up on adjectives (ie marketing), it is these predecessors that make Romer’s the best burger I’ve eaten this year. The bacon is thick. The adjectives point to the quality with which the burger is crafted. I don’t know what a smoked alder salt is but it must be part of what makes the burger so good. Okay, that’s enough italics.

That’s it for food. Next up: Movies, Hang Stats and Miscellaneous.

The Food I Ate in 2013 - Part Two - The Masses

This is the second instalment of three for the food that I ate in the year 2013. 

I’ve been putting off writing this blog because there is such a huge mass of data in it. I’m not sure what to write and I’m not sure how to order it. Do I put ham sandwiches down in ‘Sandwiches’ or do I put them down as ‘Pork?’ This blog post is like my hoarder’s basement. Next year, I’m only keeping track of restaurant food.

I’ve decided to order the foods by heading quantity and then to just ramble for a bit. This would probably turn into a stand-up set if I was ever self-loathing enough to try stand-up. The detail of each heading will then be listed below the ramble:

TOTAL FOOD LISTED: 2, 027 items.

MEAT – 358

Meat Detail:

Poultry – 138

Apparently there’s a big debate about whether eggs are counted as poultry or not. Some people claim they are dairy products. Come on. I’m putting them here anyway because I don’t believe that eggs should get their own section and I DEFINITELY do not think they are dairy products. Unless the word dairy means ‘from the private parts of any animal’ and not ‘formed by the product that comes from the teat of a cow.’ Is goat’s milk dairy? Then it could still just mean ‘from the teat.’ Anyway, I had so much KFC because we ‘had to’ eat it in a play I was in. But I loved every minute of it. Also Ostrich tasted more like beef than like chicken but it’s a bird so poultry it is. It is definitely not dairy.

Poultry Detail:

Chicken – 79

Eggs – 23 sessions 36 eggs

Kentucky fried chicken – 9

Chicken wrap – 6

Turkey – 5

Chicken shawarma – 4 

Chicken wings – mavericks – 3 

Chicken – courdon broccoli – 2

Duck – 2

Chicken Strips - Dairy queen – 1

Chicken caesar – Pita pit – 1

Ostrich – 1

Eggs benedict – rainier – 1

Quiche – 1

Seafood – 67

Seafood is probably legitimately my favourite meat. I’m a little embarrassed by this. I get why someone thinks a prawn or an octopus or a squid is disgusting. It’s like the definition of the word sloppy; all wet and flopping around, wriggling about. But a lot of people say they don’t like seafood because of the texture. This I don’t understand. If you like the word succulent (which you should) and you like the feel of succulent (which you have to) then you should like seafood. It’s a pleasure to chew. Except maybe for mussels. Also mussels kind of taste like mucus.

Seafood Detail:

prawns – 33

Sushi – 13

Mussels – 5 

squid – 4

clams – 3

scallops – 3 

crab – 2

octopus – 2 

Lobster – 1 

oysters – 1 

Beef – 54

Steak is obviously the king of beef. Hamburger is the celebrity (it gets its own section). Roast Beef is a blue collar hero. Meatloaf is the dumpy uncle you don’t trust around your young female friends. Pot roast is a friend you see once a year and then say, “Man we should hang with him more.” Brisket is just pulled pork. Beef dip is an excuse to eat wet white bread. Beef jerky is the party where you stay awake til the sun comes up and for the next week wish you hadn’t. Souvlaki is using the bathroom and enjoying the smell. Stew is just gravy soup. Meatballs is hamburgers when you see them on the street without photoshop and Shepherd’s pie is really more of a cake.

Beef Detail:

Steak – 28

Roast beef – 7

Beef Dip – 4

Meatloaf – 3

Pot roast – 3

Brisket – 3

Beef Jerky – 2

Souvlaki - 1

Stew – 1

Meatballs - 1 

Shepherd’s pie – 1 

Pork – 53

At the beginning of the year I was legitimately trying to eat much less pork. I’ve heard so many times about how bad it is for you, that it does weird things to your spinal fluid, etc etc etc. Then my friend Byron who knows a lot about a lot told me it wasn’t bad for you and all of a sudden I was back on the pork train. I think this proves how little of what we know is actually true. We’ll believe anything anyone tells us and they’ll believe anything they read on the internet. Where do facts even exist anymore? Certainly not in the world of pork.

Pork Detail:

Bacon – 15

Sausage – 13 

Pulled Pork – 6 

Pork Chop – 6

Kielbasa – 3 

Ribs – 3

Loin – 3

Ham – 2

Fish – 46

My wife, Kaitlin – credit to Borat – will only eat salmon. The only meat she eats is fish and she won’t even try the other kinds. Can someone please tell her the joys of cod and haddock and tilapia and halibut? It’s like going to the candy store and only eating gummy frogs and refusing to try anything else. It’s just silly. But I love her and salmon is alright so what am I going to do?

Fish Detail:

Fish - salmon – 43

fish – tuna – 3 

BREAD – 321

I’ve been writing this out of order and this bread section, though it appears at the top, was written about half way through. I’m feeling pretty close to losing my mind. Talking about gluten is the new talking about hipsters. I want to make it clear that I’m not against gluten-free diets or hipsters. I’m against people who make a cheap humour profit by making tired observations on the subjects. Also I love cereal and bagels and croissants and yes even crumpets. English muffins are over-rated. If you say you like english muffins you really mean you like butter.

Bread Detail:

Cereal - 88

Granola bar – 60 

Toast – pb and J – 40

Granola – 34 

Cereal Sugary – 23

Bagel – 21

Toast – buttered – 17

Waffles – 14 sessions 19 waffles

Muffin – 14

-Banana – 4

-Blueberry – 8

-Chocolate Walnut – 1

-Savory – 1

Croissant – 7

English muffin – 5

French Toast – 5 sessions 13.5 pieces

Garlic bread – 5 

Crumpets – 3

Scones – 3 

Pakora – 2 

pancake – blueberry – 1

DAIRY - 281

Dairy Detail:

Cheese - 143

I’ve heard it said by vegetarians that they love old, sharp cheeses because it’s the closest they can get to eating meat. That is so gross. Anyway, my favourite types of cheese are the blandest, freshest ones. I love bocconcini because it’s almost still milk. It’s also strange that cheese is sooooo much better when it’s melted. Parmesan is very similar to the dead skin that comes off the bottom of your heal – it’s a favourite of vegetarians. You can practically drink brie. I don’t know if cream cheese really even counts, it’s more like stank-ass butter. I could never eat swiss cheese again and be pretty okay about it.

Cheese Detail:

Cheddar – 42

parmesan – 20

havarti – 15

mozzarella – 15

brie – 12

Cream Cheese - 9

bocconcini – 8

baby bel – 8

smoked gouda – 5

paneer – 5

edam – 1

swiss – 1

Ice Cream – 71

Ice cream is the best. Some of you will probably be shocked by these numbers but think about times when you have ice cream in your freezer and times when you don’t. When I buy a thing of ice cream, I’m gonna be eating it every other day til it’s gone. I don’t think that’s abnormal. That’s like 3 or 4 sessions of ice cream a week. Then when it’s gone, you go without for a couple of months. Also there’s summer time, your ice cream numbers go through the roof when it gets hot. Let ye who hasn’t ice creamed cast the first cone.

Ice Cream Detail:

Ice cream – 55

Ice cream sandwich – 6 

Blizzard – choco cherry love – 3

Ice Cream cake – 2

Milkshake – Lucy’s – 2 

Blizzard – cherry cheesecake – 1

Peanut Buster Bar – 1 

Frozen yogurt – menschis – 1

Yogurt - 67

In the world of yogurt, style and brand is important. I’m a cheap-skate so I’m pretty okay with getting generic brands of any kind of food. I get legit upset to pay a dollar more for something because it’s got the Island Farms brand on it instead of Dairyland or whatever. But I’ll admit it does make a difference. The strange thing is that the difference with yogurt is essentially how much closer to dessert it is. The more expensive, the more it’s almost solid, unfrozen ice cream.

Yogurt Detail:

Vanilla – 54

Black Cherry – 4

Lemon – 3

Peach – 2

Coconut – 1

Plain – 1

Raspberry – 1

pomegranate – 1 

DRINKS – 208

I only started to drink coffee in April of 2013. I had to think of it as a magic potion that made my brain work a little differently. I still don’t like the taste, but sometimes you need a little potion to stir things up. I try not to drink it very much so that I can harness its power at will. Booze has a few conditions on its ability to be counted. 81 is not the number of drinks I had, rather it’s the number of times I had a few drinks. That number can really get away on you and I actually considered omitting it from this blog. In the interest of transparency I kept it in. The number went through the roof during times like Christmas, the Summer, and a 7 day holiday in Mexican with my best guy friends (almost ten percent was accounted for on this trip). The number was untouched during spells of rehearsals or out of town tours. It’s down from last year though and I’m happy about that. No one tell my doctor.

Drinks Detail:

Booze – 81 

Coffee – 73

Pop – 54

Booster juice - beet – 1

Booster juice - funky monkey – 1

Booster juice - caja – 1

Booster juice - canadian colada – 1

PASTA – 198

Initially I kept track all different pastas: spaghetti bolognese vs Spaghetti carbonara, etc. Then I woke up and realized it was a waste of time. I still made a difference between ravioli from Pagliacis restaurant in Victoria or ravioli from Chef Boyardee’s can in my cupboard. I also differentiated between things like spaghetti & linguini and ravioli & tortellini but I’m pretty close to scrapping that too. The only difference is the shape it’s cut in, after all. I wouldn’t differentiate between sandwiches I cut down the middle and sandwiches I cut on the diagonal. I’m not some kind of OCD loser after all! (*logs use of exclamation mark under excel document titled ‘2014 year in punctuation.) Also, I know rice isn’t a pasta. But it really should be. If egg noodles are pasta then rice is too. If you formed rice to look like pasta then no one would have a problem with this. Rice noodles are basically this and everyone knows that they’re pasta.

Pasta Detail:

Generic pasta – 62

Rice – 37

Perogies – 27

Udon noodle – 22

Macaroni and Cheese – 10 

spaghetti – 9

Lasagna – 6

Pasta – tv dinner – michelinis – 5

Ravioli – 11 

-Chef boyardee – mini ravioli – 6

-Ravioli - fresh package - 4

-Ravioli – Pagliacis – 1

Chicken penne – 2

Tortelini – 2 

Seafood linguini – East side mario’s – 1 

Chicken alfredo – 1 

Chicken cacciotore – 1 

Pasta – tv dinner – basilis – 1

Pasta – tv dinner – no name – 1

JUNK FOOD – 155

What is there to say about junk food? Chips and fries and cheesies and nachos. You’ll read this and probably think I eat a lot and you’re right. But I bet you have more than you think too. It’s pretty easy, over the course of a year, to go to the movies and have popcorn once every two months and then a few times at home and the next thing you know you’re in the double digits for something as boring and bland as popcorn. I don’t even remember eating hashbrowns in 2013 and I had them 9 times. My only real nutritional goal of 2013 was to eat more potatoes than I did potato chips. I had 50 potatoes and 33 potato Chips – mission accomplished. Health achieved!

Junk Food Detail:

French fries – 44 

Potato Chips – 33 

Cheezies – 15

Tortilla chips – 11 

Popcorn – 11

Hashbrowns – 9

Poutine – 7 

Doritos – 6

Sun chips – 4

Nachos – 4 

Onion Rings – 3 

Crispers – 2

Goldfish – 2 

Potato wedges – 1 

Tater tots – 1 

Pollenta Fries – 1 

Pita chips – 1 

DESSERTS – 150

Man cannot live by bread alone. He also needs dessert. 150 means I eat dessert 3 times a week which seems a little extreme but some of these numbers come from times when I had a cookie, a brownie, and some jello. That’s three desserts in one session. Cookies and Brownies were really hard to count. As much as I like them, they’re the most boring of desserts. Candy bars are interesting because you have to make a conscious effort to have a candy bar. It’s not gonna be on a plate at a party you’re at. You’ve got to choose to put it in with your groceries as a special treat. I like that my donut and cake numbers are reasonable – at about once a month. As much as I watch what I eat more than anyone, I don’t moderate what I eat. Coffee cake is high because of a Starbucks gift card I got before I drank coffee. Pumpkin pie could use a boost in 2014. Desserts has somehow turned into me defending myself.

Desserts Detail:

Cookie – 48

Brownies – 23

Candy bar – 15

-Snickers – 4

-Twix – 2

-M & M peanut – 2

-Reeses pieces – 1

-Baby ruth – 1

-Big turk – 1

-Oh henry – 1

-Reese’s peanut butter cups – 1

-Three musketeers – 1

-Reese’s Pieces – 1

Donut – 11 

Cake – 13

Jello – 10 

Cheese cake – 4

Coffee cake – 4

Chocolate covered pretzel – 4

Smores – 3 sessions 6 smores

Apple Crumble – 3

Danish – 3

Carrot cake – 2

Cupcake – 2

Pumpkin pie – 2

Rice pudding – 2 

Cinnamon bun – 1

MISC PROTEIN – 135

I’m gonna take this time to talk about quinoa. I don’t hate quinoa, mostly because I know it’s good for you and like, how could you hate something so flavourless. But quinoa does piss me off for a few reasons. The biggest is how hard it is to eat. There are comedy bits about peas being tough to eat and about rice being tough to eat but nothing on quinoa. And quinoa is harder than those others by a million miles. It sticks to the plate and pot. It slips between your fork prongs and it’s round and, somehow, finds a way to roll off the fork en masse. Make me a quinoa strip or a quinoa bar so I can just get the stuff down.

Misc Protein Detail:

Protein Shake – 63 

Quinoa – 30 

Protein Bars – 11 

fake chicken – 8

Tofu – 7 

Veggie Burger – 6 

Hummus – 4 

falafel – 3

Veggie Chicken Strips – 2 

Veggie Dog – 1

INTERNATIONAL FOOD – 46 

This is a weird category but like I said at the beginning, there is just so much data that sorting becomes very difficult.

Mexican Food – 31

Arribe! Stay away from 7/11 taquitos. Try the flautas.

Mexican Food Detail:

Tacos – 9 sessions 18 tacos

Burritos – 6

Taquitos – 7/11 – 4 sessions 8 taquitos

Taco salad – 4 

Enchilada – 3

Fajitas – 3

Flautas – 1

Pork Quesadillas – 1 

Chinese Food – 10

Half of these are from food court malls. Once, Kaitlin went to a donor’s dinner thing for about forty people. There was about eight to go boxes left over and no one wanted them so she brought them all home. I ate Chinese food for breakfast lunch and dinner for three straight days.

Thai Food – 4

There’s a place around the corner from my house with a great lunch special. I mess around with it from time to time.

Indian Food – 1

I’m not really a fan.

SANDWICHES – 43

The sandwich is a pretty good invention because it allows you to pair different meats and vegetables and sauces. The ratio per bite working as consistently well as it does is practically a miracle.

Sandwich Detail:

Sandwich – chicken – 14

Sandwich – ham – 7

Sandwich – grilled cheese – 5 

Sandwich – peanut butter and jelly – 4 

Sandwich – tuna – 4 

Sandwich – roast Beef – 4 

Sandwich – cucumber – 1

Sandwich – beef and cheddar – Quiznos – 1 

Sandwich – blt – rumpus room – 1

Sandwich – steak and cheese panini – Tim Hortons – 1 

Sandwich – prime rib – Kelly O’Bryan’s – 1 

SOUP – 32 

I love soup. It used to be my favourite food. It packs a lot of emotional power. It can comfort you when you’re sick or sad. Of all foods it’s the most like a hug. It’s soup o’clock somewhere.

Soup Detail:

Campbell’s chunky – chicken vegetable – 7

Campbell’s Chunky – Chicken Noodle – 6

Chicken Corn Chowder – 2

Cream of Mushroom – 2

Lentil – 2

Chicken Soup – Homemade – 1 

Ginger Carrot – 1 

Beef barley – 1 

Cabbage – 1 

Chicken Lime – 1

Campbell’s Chunky – pub sausage – 1

Campbell’s Chunky – Shepherd’s Pie – 1 

Campbell’s Chunky – Seafood Chowder – 1 

Italian wedding – 1 

Lipton Chicken Noodle – 1 

Tomato – 1 

Vegetable – 1 

Pho – 1 

TO BE CONCLUDED WITH: BURGERS OF MY WORLD

The Food I Ate in 2013 - Part One - Pizza and the Gang

The Food I Ate

This year I kept record of almost all the food I ate. There were a few things that I fell behind on and have excluded from the list (eg Green Beans, buns, slices of bread, fruit juices) and a few things that I wasn’t sure how to keep track of (eg Onions, garlic), and a few things that are just not that commonly eaten (eg yorkshire pudding, stuffing, pachos) and the fact that I ate them once or twice throughout the year is bereft of informational value. But for the most part, this list is comprehensive. I was a little inconsistent in my stats because some meals I broke down into ingredients and others I didn’t. For instance, if a salad was simple I might record it as 1 spinach + 1 tomato + 1 cheddar. A caesar salad along the way might’ve just been 1 caesar salad. Also, in regards to bacon and cheese, if a burger contained these ingredient I wouldn’t count them separately as bacon and cheddar too. If pizza had ham on it, it wouldn’t be recorded as ham, it would just be recorded as pizza. Each number refers to a ‘session,’ so blackberries 10 is not 10 blackberries consumed, it’s ten times over the year that I ate blackberries. Now the numbers and quick analysis. There were so many foods I had to break it down into multiple posts. We’ll start with Fruits and Vegetables, move to Pizza then take a break:

FRUITS & VEGETABLES

Tomato – 100

Apple – 99

Mushroom (including 3 portobello) – 96 

Shockingly, when I was a kid, I hated tomatoes and mushrooms. They are now at the top the list for my garden edibles with apple, the most ubiquitous fruit around. A comeback story.

Banana – 79

Last year I ate 135 bananas. My protein shake consumption was down in a big way this year and, as p. shake goes, so does banana.

Carrots – 77

Fresh & Frozen Mango – 73 (8 + 65)

The top of the frozen fruit brigade, mango was a cereal favourite in 2013.

Kale – 71

Potatoes (inc 12 mashed) – 50

One of my nutriontal goals of 2013 was to eat more potatoes than potato chips. How sad is that? See the junk food section for whether I succeeded.

Strawberries – 46

Cucumber – 41

Grapes – 37

Blueberries – 36

Avocado – 33

A favourite of Kaitlin’s, Avocado has made a major impact in my life since I was married.

Broccoli – 32

Spinach – 29 

Nectarine – 27

Absolutely my favourite fruit, it’s high price and lack of frozen counterpart puts nectarine lower that it deserves.

Yellow peppers – 28

King of the peppers, this one is also due in large part to my wife. Yellow is my least favourite, it’s more expensive than green, less healthy or tasty than red. Get out of my kitchen, yellow pepper!

Fresh and Frozen Raspberries – 26 (18 + 8)

Pineapple – 25

Cantaloup – 20

Pineapple and cantaloup, due to their appearance in many fruit trays and fruit salads, were two of the hardest foods to count. I’d wager they could be as many as ten higher on this list if I’d paid better attention at events such as receptions etc.

Yams – 18

Brussel sprouts – 17

Fresh and Frozen peaches – 17 (1 + 16)

Almost a nectarine, the frozen peach just doesn’t have the same taste quality as the frozen mango.

Garden salad – 16

Chick peas – 14

Peas – 14

Peas and chick peas are tied. That’s crazy.

Orange – 15

This is the reverse wife affect. She doesn’t like oranges very much. I would guess that there have been years in my life where I’d eaten more oranges than apples. That trend is no more.

Corn – 13

Asparagus – 12

Blackberries – 10

Lettuce – 8

A very overrated staple vegetable. I far prefer spinach or kale.

Celery – 8

Red Peppers – 7

An undeserved fate.

Pear – 7

Beet – 7

Radish – 6

Zuchini – 6

I love that these three are right up next to each other. The heroes of the fringe vegetable brigade.

Cauliflower – 5

Cherries – 4

Ever since I worked sorting cherries in the summer of 2003, I just haven’t been able to put them away like I used to.

Green peppers – 4

Kiwi – 4 

Lima beans – 4

Pickles – 4

Plum – 4 

Watermelon – 2

I must’ve missed the summer or something, am I right?

Edamame – 2 

Eggplant – 2

Rutabaga – 2

Caesar salad – 1

Chia – 1

I don’t even know what chia is.

PIZZA

Ah, pizza. Unlike the previous fruits and vegetables section which is ordered by quantity consumed, I will order pizza from least favourite to favourite. For buck a slice pizza, I kept track of how many slices and how many session. I didn’t keep track of what kinds of pizza I ate, only the joint that I got it from. Oven pizza is all lopped together (most of it being Dr. Oetkker style thin crust) and no account is taken for the number of slices I consumed. Sit down restaurant pizza I kept track of flavour but not slices. I wish I could eat at every pizza place on Earth.

Pizza

Note: The disgusting photography of pizzas is not to keep your temptation down, it’s just that most of these companies, when you google image search them, have really gross looking examples of their food. Get it together, marketing people! Where’s John Hamm-and-Pineapple when you need him?

24. McCain Pizza Pops – 6 pops 3 sessions

Pizza pops are the salisbury steak of pizza. It’s like this isn’t pizza. I’ll eat it, and I like it but come right on.

23. Homemade Pizza – 6 sessions

Another poor excuse. Pizza is one of the few cuisines that is not as good when it’s homemade. Oh a piece of naan bread buttered by tomato paste with some melted mozzarella on top? And then put in the oven til the sides are brittle? I get it, it’s the cheapest and, yeah, it’s kind of fun to assemble but when fresh dough is slid into a wood fire oven by a greasy guy in a white shirt, I know that magic is real. Boboli-eave-me-alone.

22. Panago – 30 slices 10 sessions

At this point, price has got to be taken into account. Panago makes me pay through the nose for a pizza only slightly better than homemade. Their menu is confusing, I don’t know what I’m getting, and everything is usually cut too heavily with onions. If they were both free, I’d take panago over oven pizza but there’s no such thing as a free lunch. Panago-fuck-yourself.

21. Oven Pizza – 18 sessions

Don’t get me started on a McCain rising crust. More like a McCain loaf of starch. But you get a little deluxe thin crust, nothing too fancy, none of this gluten free or wood fire trickery, and you got yourself an enjoyable evening. Blue-collar pizza.

20. Boston Pizza – 5 slices 1 session

Sometimes Boston Pizza is a dream. You get a spicy perogy and you’ll think about it for months. I’m still chasing the dragon though. The only time I got pizza from BP this year was after a week long contract when the employers brought in some pies to say job well done. The price was right and I did my best to fill my gullet but it just wasn’t the same. Kinda burnt and not enough TLC.

19. Fresh Slice – 17 slices 6 sessions

Something keeps me going back, perhaps just the ubiquity of the chain, but I think it’s something deeper. Fresh Slice is the garbage of the pizza world. It’s always soggy and stale and when there’s meat on it, your heart gets a risky little bump. Fresh Slice is the least tasty and most dangerous buck-a-slice. It reminds me of a line from Edgar Allan Poe: “The lurking of an old fever in my system rendering the moisture somewhat too dangerously pleasant.”

18. Poppa’s – 17 slices 8 sessions

The service is great and the owners are awesome. Once they had a special that I wasn’t sure about so the woman behind the til let me take a sample bite! Unfortunately, their special toppings are sometimes in weird combinations so it can be hit or miss. The dough is a bit too doughy for my liking as well and there’s sort of a residual smell in the storefront that sticks on your pizza. Kind of like Subway.

17. Ali Baba’s – 1 slice 1 session

A decent piece of pizza, I picked this one up at the Tsawwassen ferry quay. Big slice, burnt the roof of my mouth a bit. It wasn’t the best and it wasn’t the worst. Unmemorable.

16. Domino’s – 4 slices 1 session

I try my best to remember the events of eating each of these pizzas. It puts me in a mode of sense memory if I can imagine what I did that night to remember how I liked the pizza. For the life of me, I can’t remember what went on the night I had Domino’s. It was logged on Jan 30^th so I don’t blame myself too much. I went to see Chris Cochrane’s play Cold Comfort that night and I ushered. The day before I was in Victoria. Does anyone remember having Domino’s with me? Either way, I remember liking it more than Domino’s reputation led me to expect. Something about the logo makes me feel nostalgic too.

15. Canadian 2 for 1 – Hawaiian – 3 slices 1 session

Speaking of nostalgia, Canadian 2 for 1 was a blast from the past. This was the pizza place we’d order pies from when I was growing up. A Thursday or Friday night when Mom didn’t feel like cooking, she’d say, “Should we get pizza?” and I’d be so so so happy. The TD at Creekside Theatre in Kelowna ordered it for us before we played The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe there. I was trying to keep my stomach on medium for the show that night but couldn’t help myself. A good, thick slice.

14. Tie -

4 brothers – 1 session 1 slice

Megabite – 1 session 1 slice

Pizza Garden – 3 slices 1 session

The Commercial drive contingent of buck-a-slices, these three joints are really pretty similiar. They’ve got a lot of variety and they’re hot and fresh nine times out of ten. I’d like to have a few more (sober) experiences to really suss out where they fit on the list and differentiate between them. Edit: Now that I’m loading the pictures it really looks like 4 Brothers was the best. 

11. Nat’s Pizzeria – 2 slices 1 session

New York style, big flat slices. A little cardboard tasting but worth it to be able to do the NY fold.

10. 8 1/2 - pesto prawn – 1

This next section is all about pub pizzas. Pub pizzas are better tasting than buck-a-slice but they’re also more expensive. They’re more of a meal and more gourmet, with fresh ingredients but they lack a little bit of attitude. You can’t eat a pub pizza while walking. 8 1/2’s pesto prawn pizza is pretty good. It’s a little small and there’s lots of flies in 8 1/2 which moves it down the list.

9. Yaletown Brew Pub – Ham and Mushroom – 1 session

The nice thing about pub pizza is there’s usually a night during the week when it’s on sale for like ten bucks a pie. Sometimes you get a beer with it too. Yaletown Pub has the best of these pizza deals and I went there many times. The Ham and Mushroom is kinda just what you expect. Still good but not very exciting.

8. Tie -

Yaletown Brew Pub – BBQ Beef – 1 session

Yaletown Brew Pub – BBQ Chicken – 1 session

This picture is the worst. The other two Yaletown pizzas I tried, I preferred. These guys are loaded with bbq sauce. I used to hate bbq sauce and now I love it. I don’t really understand it. Is it supposed to be meat flavoured? What is the flavour? Sour cream and onion as a flavour makes sense. It tastes like sour cream with onions on it. What’s BBQ? Are you telling me it tastes like an appliance? Could you have Fridge flavoured soup? Is it supposed to be like, this is what something tastes like when you cook it on the BBQ or is it something you’re supposed to use when you cook with a BBQ? If it’s the former then it needs a longer name. Tangy molasses for use with your BBQ or something. I don’t know.

6. Portland Craft – 1 session – bbq chicken

This pub pizza sticks in my mind more than the rest. I remember really wanting more and almost ordering a second one. That would be crazy though. It had a lot of that magic pizza dust on the bottom. You know what I mean. 

5. Creek Slice – 4 slices 3 sessions

It’s always so hot! I often have to wait fifteen minutes before taking a bite but it just makes the anticipation better. Just off Granville Island, Creek Slice might be one of the most underrated pizzas in Vancouver.

4. Uncle fatih’s – 15 slices 8 sessions

Uncle Fatih’s has gone a little commercial (not Commercial), but it’s very reliable. You always know what you’re going to get and it’s always good.

3. Fantastico – 2 slices 1 session

I tried Fantastico right at the end of December, right across from the central library. It was a very satisfying meal. The crust was crisp and just bready enough. It’s kind of a hyrid between thin crust and regular crust. The perfect hybrid.

2. My Slice – 21 slices 5 sessions

The best take out pizza in Vancouver. Pizza Hut is good but crosses a line into greasiness that most people just can’t stomach in good conscience. My Slice rides that line like a pizza cowboy, wrangling taste in your mouth for maximum pleasure and fatty feel without as much as the guilt. My Slice lets your build your pizza online with a bunch of ingredients (and doesn’t charge you to do it (take note, Panago). We’re outside their delivery zone, but sometimes I can talk them into bringing it out to Main st. I wish they’d open a new store in my apartment lobby.

1. Pender and Seymour – 5 slices 3 sessions

I think this is called 2001 flavours but there are so many signs all over this joint that I get confused. It’s right on the corner. I go out of my way to patronize this place. They have a lot of options and different toppings are different prices which usually pisses me off but I let it slide with these guys. It’s right on the corner so sitting in the window makes for the perfect people watching spot. It’s a good thin crust pizza that doesn’t neglect the crust handle, which is a trap too many joints fall into. I don’t know, the pizza is just my favourite. 

More to come soon!

My 2013 Career in Review

At first this might seem like a boring topic for a post. Most people’s careers only have a few significant moves per year. A career in theatre, however, is dynamic. Every audition is a job interview, every contract a step that only lasts a number of weeks. Once each step is taken a new goal must be created and achieved. There’s a necessary momentum, like high stakes poker.

In 2013, I had 25 auditions. I only booked one of them. And the one I booked was for a profit share. I essentially made $150 dollars. 

But momentum is a funny thing. Over the past four years I’ve established myself. I’ve worked hard to show people that I work hard. And while I might not have been first choice for 24 auditions, I made myself known in the room. It’s often past unbooked auditions that get you the next contract. Directors see you for a role you’re not right for, they don’t cast you. But perhaps you stick in their mind enough that they find a role for you in the future. That’s how I paid my rent in 2013.

Last year I had 35 auditions: 5 callbacks, 8 generals, and 8 film/tv. It was really 16 opportunities for roles in theatre. In 2013, accounting for callbacks, generals, film/tv, I had 17 opportunities for a role. That’s progress, slow, sweet, and steady.

Despite my lack of success in auditions, I had one of my best years as an actor. Let’s have a quick look at auditions and then the shows that I opened.

Auditions - Theatre

Singin’ in the Rain – Chemainus Theatre Festival – Jan. 8

National Arts Centre General Audition – February 8

Matchmaker of Montreal – Feb. 1

National Arts Centre General Audition – February 8

Title of Show – Kelowna Summer Theatre – Feb. 25

Private Eyes – Kelowna Summer Theatre – Feb. 25

Fall Away Home – Boca Del Lupo – March 20

You’re a Good Man Charlie Brown – Project X (Kamloops) – April 14

Amazing Mr. Fox – Project X (Kamloops) – April 14

Banff/Citadel General Audition – May 13

Fairy Tale Theatre – May 16

Moss Park – Green Thumb Theatre – May 21

Theatre Northwest General Audition – May 27

Armstrong’s War – Arts Club Theatre – May 31

Armstrong’s War – Call Back – June 14

Proud – Belfry Theatre – June 17

Romeo & Juliet – Mnemonic Theatre – June 22

Spamalot – Arts Club Theatre – July 2

Measure for Measure – Honest Fishmonger/Pacific Theatre – July 5

Theatre One General Audition – Sept 27

Jeeves in Bloom – Chemainus Theatre Festival – Nov 26

Bug – Hardline Productions – Dec 2

Lowest Common Denominator – Zee Zee Theatre – Dec 3

Auditions - Film/TV

Film, TV, Commercials

Third Wave (Film) – Jan. 27

Amazing Race Canada – Feb. 28

AMA Commercial – Sept 5

Notes and Trends:

I became Equity in Jan. which also limited the number of auditions I could attend.

Jan theatre auditions this year Vs Jan theatre auditions last year: 1/2

Feb vs Feb: 5/1

March vs March: 1/6

April vs April: 2/6

May vs May: 5/1

June vs June: 3/1

July vs July: 2/2

Aug vs Aug: 0/4

Sept vs Sept: 1/1

Oct vs Oct: 0/0

Nov vs Nov: 1/1

Dec vs Dec: 2/1

Very Little seems in common between this year’s and last year’s audition totals by month, but if you look a little closer you can reason that Spring is the busiest time of year for while for three months in the late Summer early Fall, auditions are fewer and farther between.

Shows Opened (Acting):

The Cat in the Hat – Carousel Theatre

Rehearsal started Feb. 2. The show opened March 2. It closed March 31. Total: 58 days.

The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe – Pacific Theatre – Presentations House & Kay Meek

Rehearsal: April 16. Opened: April 21. Closed: May 4. Contract: 21 days.

The Unmemntioable – Conrad Alexandrovicz’s SSHRC Project

Rehearsal: June 10. Closed: June 29. Contract: 20 days.

Habeas Corpus – Western Gold Theatre – Staged Reading

Rehearsal: June 12. Opened: June 14. Closed: June 16. Contract: 5 days.

Romeo and Juliet - Mnemonic Theatre

Part-time Rehearsal: June 30. Opened: Aug 20. Closed: Aug 31. Contract: 23 days.

The Foreigner - Pacific Theatre

Rehearsal: Sept 2. Opened: Sept 20. Closed: Oct 12. Contract: 47 days.

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (Again) - Pacific Theatre - Chilliwack Cultural Centre, Clarke Theatre (Mission), Creekside Theatre (Kelowna), & Western Canada Theatre (Kamloops)

Rehearsal: Nov. 17. Opened: Nov. 22. Closed: Dec. 22. Contract: 43 days.

Shows Opened (Writing)

Pull Festival Vol. 2 – Sum Theatre

Opened: Jan 24. Days I worked on the project: 3 days.

The Ballad of the Burning Lady – Western Canada Theatre

Opened Oct. 30. Days I worked on the projec: 21 days.

Readings & Workshops I participated in:

Except in the Unlikely Event of War. (reader)

Days worked: 1 day.

Us and Everything We Own. (assistant dramaturg)

Days worked: 7 days.

The Out Vigil. (reader)

Days worked: 1 day.

To supplement my income I also assist in Simulations for Vancouver Police Department and UBC Medical Program. I also work occasionally as an extra on film and TV sets. Here’s my stats on these for the year:

Vancouver Police Simulations: 12 days of work.

Jan 4

Jan 31

May 22

Oct 10

Oct 21-26

Nov 14

Nov 15

Standardized Patient Work: 11 days of work.

Jan 7

Jan 13

April 29

May 6

May 14

May 16

Aug 6

Aug 10

Aug 23

Sept 23

Oct 16

Background Work: 5 days of work

Edweard

July 1

July 3

July 7

Almost Human

July 24

Bates Motel

August 9

For accounting (slightly different than I did last year), I will count each audition as 2 days (1 of prep, 1 of audition). This is a low estimate, some auditions take a week of hard work.

When you add together my contracted days plus auditions, plus simulation work plus extra work plus estimates of days of work for writing projects you get my total days of work for 2013:

330 days worked.

Not bad for only booking one audition.

The Plays I Saw - 2013 Year in Review

I went out to see 52 plays this year, not quite as good as last year’s 74. I wasn’t able to see as many fringe shows due to rehearsals for The Foreigner but 52 is still a play a week and not bad for a guy who is not a reviewer and often has to pay or usher in order to see shows. There are a lot that I wish I was able to see but was out of town for or just couldn’t make the schedule work. I heard seriously great things about Except in the Likely Event of War, Speech & Debate, Becky Shaw, Lungs, Hedwig & the Angry Inch, Boeing-Boeing, Winners & Losers, Hamlet, and Proof, among many others, but my absence from their seats has led to their absence from my list.

Determining an order for my top ten this year was hard. Last year’s number one was a no contest, as All the Way Home was probably the most moving piece of art I’ve ever seen. This year, at any given time, the top six plays have held the top spot in my mind. This is the order I’ve finally decided on:

10. Der Wink – Leaky Heaven Circus

What a strange show. What an experience. The Russian Hall in East Van was converted into a grid of seats. The company created the story collectively, directed by Steven Hill, Nancy Tam composed probably the best soundscape and design I heard all year, Parjad Sharifi’s lighting design could’ve stood on its own as a piece of art, and the set – cardboard walls that slid along the lines of our grid – told massive stories of isolation and connection. The actors were great too, architects of the world the audience came to live among. At points they spoke secretly around us, at other points they spoke directly to us. But the story was almost indecipherable. We were lucky enough to be there on an evening with a talk back and I was allowed to air my frustrations and questions. Frustration: maybe once a year I can convince my non-theatre friends to come see a show with me. For 2013, this was the show. If they thought theatre ‘wasn’t for them’ before, I was terrified what they’d feel now. Question: In a piece that is collectively composed, why does it seem the writer is always the piece most absent? If you can have a lighting designer, and a sound designer, and a director, and actors – who are all the captains of their mediums, necessarily guided by the rest of the collective – why can’t you have a writer? Someone to collect the masses of experimentation and transpose them into intelligible form, the same way the director and designers do? The talk back portion of the show contributed as much to ‘Der Wink’ making this list as the performance itself. The creators were gracious and warm. It seemed like the plan for the show all along was to create avenues for connecting and communicating. And I think my friends actually liked it. Maybe I need to give them more credit.

9. Cold Comfort –Yogurt Theatre

The inaugural production for Yogurt Theatre was a very competent premiere. Christopher Gauthier’s set put you right out the window, peaking in at a father and daughter’s creepy little gas station house. Horror theatre as a genre can be very tough to pull off. How do you make an audience scared when they’re never alone? To really scare people you need to destroy artifice, even momentarily, and that can be nearly impossible to do in a conventional theatre setting. You need full suspension of disbelief. Still, everyone involved in Cold Comfort did a bang up job of telling an engaging, off-putting story.

8. The Odd Couple –Main Street Theatre

I was in attendance on the first preview for Main Street Theatre’s production of the Neil Simon hit, but the cast was still rolling. For my money, Ryan Beil is the best actor on Vancouver stages. His commitment to his roles is absolute, his comic timing is surprising and tight, and his portrayals are always unique. I can never predict how he’ll react but I always believe him. He plays real instead of playing for the laugh. But he always gets the laugh.

7. Three Sisters –Only Child Collective

It was thrilling just to see so many actors on stage at the same time on the tiny Culture Lab Stage. The music and set were awesome and there were a few outstanding performances, Bob Frazer, Brahm Taylor, and Rachel Aberle in particular. Ami Gladstone did a pretty good job of putting together a compelling adaptation. While the pulse of the plot sometimes went a little cold, my inclination to philosophical musing kept me engaged for the whole ride.

6. Avenue Q –Arts Club Theatre Company

I had heard a lot about Avenue Q when I was in university. During a trip to New York I got to see it on Broadway and was a little disappointed. The things I had heard made me believe that it was the most subversive thing on Earth. But something about that production just didn’t click for me. It was as if the punch lines expected milk-through-the-nose surprise. I had the opposite experience when I saw it at the Arts Club. If I had been drinking milk, it wouldn’t have made it to my stomach. Everything seemed so much fresher. Phenomenal performances from all in the cast, but Kayla Dunbar, Scott Bellis, and Shannon Chan-Kent particularly stuck out to me.

5. Of Mice and Men –Hardline Productions

John Steinbeck really knows how to tell a story. You know what’s coming and it’s utterly inevitable and it’s still so so so sad. Sebastian Kroon pulled off the extremely challenging role of Lenny with absolute grace and sincerity. I know how much sweat Hardline puts into their shows, I know how hard Sean Harris Oliver, Genevieve Fleming, and Raes Calvert worked to transform Little Mountain into depression era California and I’m so proud of them for achieving a sublime vision of a show. These guys are unstoppable and still only sniffing at their potential for telling stories. Look out, Vancouver.

4. How Has my Love Affected You –Neworld Theatre in association with the Arts Club

I love seeing shows that experiment with form. Marcus Youssef stands on stage and tells us the story of his mother, a story that he hasn’t yet told to his children. His son plays the piano, accompanying Youssef, and hearing the story for the ‘first’ time. The lengths that people will go to support family members in need might be proof of God’s existence. As Youssef listed off the bureaucratic hoops he had to jump through to aid his mother, I wondered if I was even capable of that kind of frustrating care. I took the play as a challenge, to love more unconditionally, to work harder, and to get to know the deep histories of my own family members while they’re still able to remember the tales themselves.

3. Terminus –Pi Theatre

A triumph for written (and spoken) word. I loved seeing a show that was so reliant on text and imagination. All the performances were phenomenal but what I found most interesting was seeing Leanna Brodie slow-play her character’s build and arc. In a show made of intercut monologues, it’s brave to sacrifice some of your high points per section in favour of a scenery shattering climax three quarters of the way through. It also reminded me of movies that take place in one room, and how at first you think, ‘how am I going to watch this for two hours?’ and then, so submerged in the world, when the credits begin to play, you’re surprised to see that you’ve just been in your chair the whole time.

2. How to Write a New Book for the Bible –Pacific Theatre

Funny and touching and too real for a tender heart. Erla-Faye ForsytheForsythe put together one of the realest characters I’ve ever seen on stage. Sometimes you could strangle her but you always love her. Having read the script beforehand, I wasn’t sure how the playwright’s autobiographical cipher – Bill – could be pulled off without being whiney and annoying and self-aware but Anthony F. Ingram’s honesty to the world around him made him sympathetic and fully-formed, aware of his reality but never too omniscient to be surprised.

1. The Strange Undoing of Prudencia Hart –National Theatre of Scotland, PuSH Festival

A really magical evening, during the PuSH Festival, in the Wise Hall in East Van. Prudencia Hart ends up in a strange town, meeting strange people. The show itself was part folk concert, part legend, part community tavern. It was the kind of experience, the kind of event, that I wish all theatre could be: a great story told in the most intimate way, with ingenuity and problem solving, stakes so high your very soul is on the line, and a twinkle in the performer’s eye that makes you wonder if they’re human at all, or, perhaps, some nighttime imp, some fairy, that comes alive at 8 pm on the dot when the show starts and then disintegrates to a fine powder in a yellowed jar right at the stroke of midnight, seconds after a post-show whiskey with an interested audience member or two.

Honourable Mentions:

Admiration of Ambition:

Sci-Fi Double Feature –Ramshackle Theatre @ Neanderthal Festival

Fall Away Home –Boca Del Lupo

Performances that can’t be ranked as plays:

Hive New Bees Vol 3 –Resounding Scream

Art Fight Vol 1 –Sum Theatre (?)

Pull Festival Vol 2 – Sum Theatre

2013 Year in Review - Books

Welcome. Today is the first day of my second annual ‘Year in Review’. You can check out the background of this project here:

http://mackgordon.tumblr.com/post/39402051481/thefoodiate

Here is the order in which I’ll be posting this year:

First Post – The Books I Read

Second Post – The Plays I Saw

Third Post – My Career

Fourth Post – Comedy Shows and Concerts I Went To

Fifth Post – The Food I Ate and the Exercise I recorded

Sixth Post – The Movies I Saw

Seventh Post – The People I Spent Time With

Without further ado:

The Books I Read

I read more books this year than I probably ever have in my life. I’m a collector by nature. When I was young I collected action figures, then I moved on to comic books, then Cds, then DVDs. Now I collect books. Here’s the books I read this year in order from my least favourite to most favourite:

17. A Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole

16. Damned by Chuck Palahniuk

15. The Great Perhaps by Joe Meno

14. Libra by Don Delillo

13. Then We Came to the End by Joshua Ferris

12. The Ballad of the Sad Cafe by Carson McCullers

11. Brief Interviews with Hideous Men by David Foster Wallace

10. The Art of Fiction by John Gardner

This book helped me to understand more about reading than it did about writing. It taught me why the Ray Bradbury novels at the top of this list hold such esteem in my heart. The great writer establishes a world that is true and inarguable, no matter how fictional, and they never knock your imagination from the fever dream they have crafted. Every piece of information serves to solidify the world, plot, or characters as absolutely real. Sometimes Gardner is a bit of an absolutist asshole. He’s old school and he frequently breaks the very rules of style that he establishes. But he sure does know a lot about the conventions of fiction.

9. The End of the Road by John Barth

To be honest, I don’t know why I liked this book so much. It was really a rather boring account, sort of in line with Camus’ The Stranger but with less stakes. But I really enjoyed Barth’s blank lead character’s discussion of philosophy. Not for those hunting a strong narrative.

8. Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson

A science fiction story focused on hackers. The best parts of this book deal with the idea of religion as a virus shared with a civilization. The moments when Hiro Protagonist (worst name, he chose it himself) is in his library reading up on the Tower of Babel and Sumarian Gods who may not have really been Gods are by far worth the sometimes silly narrative.

7. Ready Player One by Ernest Cline

A less sophisticated story than “Snow Crash,” “Ready Player One” is similiar but abandons intellect for absolutely engaging narrative. Basically, the creator of a totally immersive virtual reality consol dies and leaves his Will to the gamer who can find his three hidden easter eggs. The main character is sometimes lame and very unlikeable but I was always so interested in what was going to happen next that the book had to finish high on my list. It was kind of like Lost and it’s ending was just as dissapointing.

6. Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

Not a perfect book by any stretch of the imagination, Bradbury has so many ideas and is so good at expressing them that he is always an utter joy to read.

5. Black Swan Green by David Mitchell

This book broke my heart many times over. An excellent rendering of what it’s really like to be a kid growing up in the modern world.

4. Martian Chronicles by Ray Bradbury

Just absolutely fascinating Science-Fiction (sort of) about man’s desire to expand. I’m only about 3/4’s of the way through listening to it on CD. It could easily move up in the list.

3. The Fortress of Solitude by Jonathan Lethem

Lethem goes deep into the life of Dylan Ebdus (pseudonym, I think) and creates a very real and compelling character. We see the streets of Brooklyn as he saw them and learn all about what it was to grow up in the ghetto as a blonde-haired white boy. There is a magic in the story that comes from a ring that Dylan is given by a ragged homeless man. Despite the absolute verisimillitude of the story, the ring’s powers go far beyond metaphor and plunge us into a world where we know anything can happen.

2. Everything Matters! by Ron Currie, Jr.

I was on the last twenty pages of this book, sitting in the market on Granville Island. I realized that I needed to leave the public space as fast as I could because I was just about to spring a leak. I sat on the little knoll near the flag pole and sobbed as the main character’s life came full circle. A sort of pyschologically apocalyptic story, again about growing up (do I have a favourite genre?). A baby is born with the full knowledge of the exact day the world will end, a meteor destroying all life on Earth. How does he possibly cope with this? The story is told in a really interesting way with a kind of omniscient narrator as character that the protoganist can hear as clearly as we can. Just great stuff.

1. Dandelion Wine by Ray Bradbury

This is what good writing is. I felt genuine fear in “The Whole Town’s Sleeping.” I think I highlighted more passages from this book than I didn’t. The prose in Dandelion Wine is rich and deep and one could open the book to any section, read any sentence, and smile. One of my favourite books ever.

I left my rereads, one-off shortstories and comic books off of the list but here they are:

ReReads:

9 Stories by JD Salinger

Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut, jr.

Short Stories:

Bruce Calls from Mulholland by Bret Easton Ellis

Entropy by Thomas Pynchon

Claire’s Knee by Eric Rohmer

The Bakery Girl of Monceau by Eric Rohmer

On Wanting to have Three Walls Up Before She gets Home by Dave Eggers

What it Means When a Crowd In a Faraway Nation by Dave Eggers

Comic Books (all rereads):

Sandman – Dream Country by Neil Gaiman

Sandman – A Game of You by Neil Gaiman

Sandman – Season of Mists by Neil Gaiman

The People I Spent Time With - 2012 in Review

~Friends, Man pt I - credit Dustin Senos

Well folks, this is the last of my 2012 year in review posts. It’s been a busy two weeks putting these lists together and I hope you’ve enjoyed some insight into a year in the life. I’ve already begun keeping the stats on 2013 and look forward to an even more in depth review next January. This last post tabulates all the people I hung out with throughout 2012. I didn’t necessarily count every person at every party that I went to and, in the beginning of the year particularly, I was probably a little bit lax in that regard. Near the middle of the year, I began to keep track of people at parties I had significant conversations with and by the end of year I was essentially counting everyone. Still, I think this list holds value in so far as it charts approximate face time with friends. It doesn’t, of course, keep track of how highly I value friendships. Someone scoring in the double digits is not more important to me than someone I only hung out with once. Some people are inherently social and other people are not. What keeping track of these stats did do, in small part, was encourage me to seek out time with the friends I value who I didn’t see enough.

~Friends, Man pt II - credit Senos

I didn’t count rehearsals or work shifts or church. I counted a work drive over an hour as a half a stat. There are many people that logged only one hang out stat and I didn’t record them here. I’ll start with honourable mentions for Vancouver locals who logged 2 to 4 hang outs. Bolded names are mentioned in the paragraph below.

Ella Simon – 2

Mike Hodge - 2

Jay Clift – 2

AJ Marshall - 2

Matt Kelly – 2

Adam Charles – 2

Sven Peterson – 2

Shay Mcfaul – 2

Meghan Chenosky – 2

Anthony Kearns – 2

Brandyn Eddy – 2

Tim Johnston – 2

Caitlin McCarthy – 2

Katie Takefman – 3

Ivan Decker - 3

Derek Saddler – 3

Danny Marshall – 3

Aimee Odegaard – 3

Beatrice King – 3

Blake Turner – 3

Luke Bensler – 3

Phil Miguel – 3

Amber Lewis – 3

Stacie Steadman – 3

Rachel Aberle - 3

Maryanne Renzetti – 3

Matt Gostelow – 3

Cam Anderson – 4

MJ Eden - 4

James Kot – 4

Kayvon Kelly – 4

Chris Cochrane – 4

Linsey Callaghan – 4

Brennan Mcallister – 4

Kate Richard – 4

Mike Blonde – 4

Logging two to four personal hang out stats isn’t all that low considering my negligence in counting parties at the beginning of the year. Rachel Aberle would’ve been a fair amount higher as her house, known as ‘The Purple House’ is a frequent gathering place. In her case, time out of town is also relevant as she’s been gone for months at a time on one contract or another. It doesn’t quite qualify her for an out of town asterisk but it’s close. Jay Clift (and Genevieve Fleming) I see a lot through out the year but often on a work basis with the Justice Institute. We have plenty of time for good conversations but I can’t call it a hang out stat or else every work shift would have to count. Adam Charles, Tim Johnston, James Kot and Blake Turner have all dropped sadly lower than they would have in years past and I hope to remedy that in 2013. Mike Blonde didn’t log his first hang out until August 30^th which makes his four stats a good deal more impressive.

Now we get into the out of town asterisks. In the top 50, coming up, I’ve given each out of town asterisk a +1.5. So 2 out of town hang outs are worth 3.5 local hangouts. 6 out of towns = 7.5 local. In reality, logging five hang outs when you live in Kelowna (which I only visited two or three times this year) is a good deal more significant than logging five if you live in Vancouver. But urgency and frequency are much higher. It’s sad that I don’t make more of an effort to spend time with some of the above mentioned people (Adam, Tim, Blake, James etc) but the truth is, because we live in the same city, I’m not as deliberate about making plans with them. If I’m in town from Vancouver, or you’re coming for a visit, I’m much more likely to mark it in my calendar and make it a priority. Here are the twice hung-out-with honourable mentions for out of towners:

Anna Huber – 2 *

Jackie Faulkner – 2 *

Grant Mckinnon – 2 *

Peter Drake – 2 *

Kirk Smith – 2 *

Marcus Mayer – 2 *

Dustin Senos – 2 *

Now the top 51 (due to ties) people I spent time with.

49. Kelsey Neufeld - 3 *

Helped out by a four week stint I spent in Kelowna, Kelsey’s last stat was logged on Canada Day.

49. Marcus Ulm – 3 *

A few beers behind the bank.

49. Blatch – 3 *

A very impressive showing, all things considered, from the military man. He’s been away in Edmonton or Ontario for most of the year but managed to log three solid stats in the three days our paths crossed at Christmas.

45. Andy Perdomo – 5

Five of the most spaced out stats possible. Once each in May, July, August, November, and December. Corresponding somewhat with the UFC’s PPV schedule.

45. Steve Lockhart – 5

An influx of Summer stats for the youngest of the Lockharts charting here.

45. Steve Atherton – 5

All of Steve’s hangouts came before March 18, making him one of the few recipients of more stats in the earlier part of the year. Projected to finish much higher, sporadic schedules were the undoing of a higher finish.

45. Jane Sanden – 5

Already half way to surpassing her quota for 2013.

39. Darcy Hancock – 6

A lot of stats from eating pulled pork together and going to concerts. This is my favourite picture of Darcy from the day after his birthday a few years ago.

39. Lance Odegaard – 6

The man who married my wife and I. The highlight stat was probably when he helped me film a street hockey highlight reel. Send me a text if you don’t want this picture online but I couldn’t resist.

39. Arlen Tom – 6

The playwright of the fringe play ‘The Best, Man!’, throughout rehearsal we found out we have a lot of things in common.

39. Kyle Sutherland – 6

Set and props designer for ‘Debts’. A good man to watch a baseball game with. He’s the one in red.

39. Brad Isles – 6

Another Summer high achiever, Brad scored 2/3’s of his stats in May and July; 1/3 came from badminton tournaments. A great lover of children and dogs.

39. Bryan Nothling – 6

A huge layoff between March and October cost ‘B Noth’ a higher spot on the list but we did three scenes with Dennis Rodman together and that bond will never be broken. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bn9f9QZNus)

34. Mike Cambridge – 5 *

Cashed in on the 4 week stint in June while I worked on ‘Mary’s Wedding’ in Kelowna. This picture is from when he fell asleep on his floor.

34. Clayton Coxford – 5 *

The Edmonton native had a solid rookie season since getting call up from his GM and wife, Janine McCombe

34. Janine Coxford (McCombe) – 5 *

My wife’s best friend, she made her presence known despite living far off. Three weddings helped.

34. Kelsey Ulm – 5 *

A solid showing from out of town and only logging stats during times I was in Kelowna. She also approves of this poncho.

34. David Benedict Brown – 5 *

All five hangouts came in September during the Vancouver Fringe Festival and Mr. David Benedict Browne’s wedding to Melanie Moore.

32. Tristan Thompson – 7

Between finishing his master’s degree and generally being a hermit, ‘T’ fell below his projections. It should be noted that each evening spent with this founding member of the Gentlemanly Quarrels was a quality evening.

32. Andrew Chong – 7

The first of a few whose stats suffered from the NHL lockout. He does have the highest stat of anyone from North Van, which is basically out of town as far as I’m concerned.

27. Maddy Wilson – 8

A very consistent player, I lost the exact dates of the stats through a data entry error at the end of the year.

27. Brett Harris – 8

A collaborator on a few different projects that often led to nights out at the pub afterwards. A great lad.

27. Sam Mullins – 8

Only logging one stat during the Vancouver Fringe Festival was the downfall of a potential top tenner.

27. Kat Gauthier – 8

Conversely, Kat Gauthier swung for the fences during the Fringe, logging half her stats. She was off the grid for the beginning and end of the year though. She’s one of the most encouraging people I know.

27. Katie Johnston – 8

Not a bad showing, but one that could’ve been much higher if not for busy and opposite schedules. This picture is from way back because we go way back.

24. Conor Connolly – 7 *

Conor is proof of the importance of road tripping to quality time. I only saw him once during 2012 but it was during my trip to Coachella which was 7 days long. An argument could be made for it being worth more than 7 stats. This picture is from when we played in The Greatest Explorers in the World together. It was taken by Peter Gardner.

24. Mel Moore – 7 *

One more night out at the Fringe Bar and a public reading of her fantastic play, ‘Exhibit A,’ boosted Mel above her husband. This photo is from 2006, I think.

24. Tom Ulm – 7 *

Another great stat holder if an equation could be created calculating ‘opportunities to spend time together’ divided by ‘time spent together.’ Tom is very innovative and mechanical. For instance, he made this straw during his bachelor party to make it easier to get the drink to his lips.

21. Christine Quintana – 9

The director of ‘The Best, Man!’ it seems that show led to more stat activity than any other I took part of in 2012. It was really nice getting to know her better but I don’t have any pictures of her.

21. Darlisa – 9

A definite rookie of the year candidate. She played beer chess with me. I just gotta learn her last name.

21. Jen Tremblay – 9

Helped by weddings but hurt by a lack of hockey. Jen is a nurse and very busy so she is hard to get a hold of, but she also has a new puppy, so I think I will make the effort. This is her with her husband Andrew Chong who was featured earlier.

20. Nolan Labach – 9 *

A product of Prince George and Smithers, 2012 was easily Nolan’s lowest stat scoring year in our nearly twenty year history. More career stability should put him back in the double digits for 2013. Still a solid showing for the opportunities we had to see each other. There were a lot of good pictures of Nolan to choose from, but I laugh every time I look at this one.

19. Derek Heathfield – 10 *

Another recipient of ‘the road trip effect,’ any chance I have to see ‘cookies and milk,’ I take. Look at the guy. How could you not?

18. Jamie Taylor – 12

Jamie’s stats are unique because we essentially attended zero of the same parties by chance. We were also never in the same place due to a mutual friend. Each stat was a plan and that’s pretty impressive. So is this picture.

15. John Voth – 13

My counterpart in ‘The Best, Man!’ John cashed in big time with 11 stats earned over the course of the Summer. Interestingly enough, he didn’t log his first hang out until July 22.

15. Chelsea Haberlin – 13

Chelsea was the production manager on Debts and the cohabitant of many meaningful conversations on the state of the industry and art of theatre. This picture is maybe from when I was in first or second year. I don’t think her hand in my sweater means anything.

15. Chris Wilson – 13

A former roommate, the housing change led to a lower than projected year of hanging out. A few months of him being away on the fringe circuit didn’t help either. Eight unique hangs during September sure did. Interesting that I didn’t see him once in October or December either and yet logged three stats during November. A streaky customer who recently moved to Toronto, I’m interested in seeing if he can match this years stats from long distance.

14. Matt Lockhart – 12 *

The top out of town stat earner, Lockhart held his own with the big kids in Vancouver despite being on Vancouver Island. He was also on the road trip to Coachella. This picture also makes me laugh everytime. I was attempting a patented bacon ladder on a the first friend sleeping at the slumber party. As soon as I got close he popped up and said, “who fucked up?” in his typical Lockhart way. This photo captures that moment perfectly.

11. Colby Wilson – 14

Colby took over in the Fall, logging six stats in October and November. A very social person, there aren’t many movies or parties where our paths don’t cross.

11. Sebastian Archibald – 14

Despite frequently making plans and never cashing in, Sebastian comes in strong with 14 stats. He’s also a puppet master.

11. Chaad Gramlich – 14

Chaad’s stats aren’t as high as they would’ve been with a longer Canuck cup run in the spring and a season in October. A funny characteristic of his stats is that many of them come in doubles: Jan 21 and Jan 23. Then a break until March where another double crops up. Same with April and July and October. We were always inches away from a hot streak but never quite caught fire. This is a picture of him from Tom and Kelsey’s wedding with their son Nolan. He looks much bigger now and it was only like a year ago… I mean Chaad, not Nolan.

10. Kristen Sawatsky – 16

The top ranking of Kaitlin’s girl friends, Kristen would’ve been even higher ranked if not for a busy term of school. A woman of class and dignity.

8. Jordan Lyut – 18

Frequently pairing with his wife, Kristen, Jordan out dueled her with a few well placed video game sessions. I don’t have any pictures of him with his shirt on though. I wish I had one of him in his bulls jersey.

8. Pembrooke Clarke – 18

Riding shotgun on Curtis Collier’s wing boosted Pembrooke’s numbers through the roof after coming over from Montreal. Only October is missing a stat since the move in June.

7. Gordon Family Member– 17 *

Another great example of road trips solidifying stats. My family and Kaitlin’s family are heaped into their own categories for sake of ease. It was difficult to count because when I was living at home working on ‘Mary’s Wedding’ I didn’t count every day as a separate hang out stat despite hanging out with them every day. That would’ve been an almost automatic second place. Instead I counted more special events like going on a trip or having people over for dinner. Seven stats earned at once for a week long stay in California leaves a still very impressive 10 stats over the course of the rest of the year. Four months didn’t pass this year without seeing my family and I only visited Kelowna two or three times.

6. Williams Family Members – 22

Only September and February missed the presence of a Williams family member (I bet Kaitlin saw them in those months without me). It’s great to be so accepted by my in-laws and maybe even better that I so much like them back.

5. Amitai Marmorstein – 22

I wondered how the Peter Carlone-less months of Summer would affect Amitai’s chart and was surprised to find out how little they dipped. July was slightly meagre but August carried 3 stats, second only to a five stat October. The first time I laid eyes on Amitai I told him we were gonna be buddies, and we are.

4. Curtis Collier – 26

Curtis moved back to the west coast from Montreal at the end of June and quickly logged 8 stats in just around a month. He put up another 8 in August and looked as though he might challenge for the top spot. School and a busier schedule on my part have since slowed the frequency down but look for more 8 stat months in 2013. Now that he’s in Vancouver to stay, he’ll be a perennial top earner.

3. Jonny Flahr – 29

Jon logged his first stats in April right around when we went on our road trip to Coachella together. From there he was only slowed three times; in June, September, and November. Those are explained with ‘Mary’s Wedding’ in Kelowna, the Fringe festival, and The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe’ (November) (as well as some projects of his own that I think corresponded with at least two of those dates). The trend is this: when one of us is working, we don’t see each other a lot. The nature of our jobs (he runs data storage for film and TV companies and is also a freelance camera operator and film maker) gives us long stretches of time off and long stretches of intensive hours on. When we’re off we spend time together, when we’re working we don’t. I like working but I also like Jon.

2. Brant Hardy – 35

Another late comer in chipping in his first stat, Brant got rolling fast in June. While I was in Kelowna he was my point man for hang outs. He notched ten stats that month and moved to Vancouver soon after. Straight through til November he logged no less than 4 stats per month. Brant has three obstacles in his way from being the stat champ. The first is location. He lives in Gas Town and I’m in Mt. Pleasant. They’re not THAT far off but that brings us to obstacle two: compete level. That’s a bit of a hockey joke. Honestly, Brant really likes spending time alone and I really hate going to Gas Town. The third obstacle is the biggest hockey joke: the NHL lockout. The Canucks should’ve played about 39 games in 2012 that they didn’t. We wouldn’t have watched all those games together but I bet we would’ve watched a lot. Dustin Senos took this picture and it’s one of my favourites of all time. Clean your screen to look at it, it’s that good.

1. Peter Carlone – 101

Of course, even if Brant and I had watched every Canuck game together, he still would’ve fallen far short of our 2012 statistical hang out champion, Peter Carlone. Full disclosure: Peter lives in the same building as me and has the entire year. It makes it really easy to get together for an hour or so with little to no effort. Of course, Peter also left town for a quarter of the year and still made it to triple digits. We hung out 12 times in February, the shortest month (it was a leap year). May was the peak, with 14 hangouts (likely in preparation of his leaving in June). But the main point that underlines all of these stats is this: even though it often requires little work to hang out with each other, we still do it with tremendous frequency. And even though we could get together for a quick hour here or there, we often spend many hours together. I rarely get sick of the guy. He is easy to talk to, funny, and always ready for an adventure. If we didn’t live in the same building, I believe that he would still come and visit me, or goad me into going to the movies with him, or meet me at the bar for a beer, just about as much. He’s a good friend and he’s your 2012 hangout champ.

A funny thing I realized while combing through these stats: I didn’t see a single person every month of 2012. Then it dawned on me. There was one person I didn’t count. I didn’t count her because it would get so redundant and frequent that it would be pointless. It would be beyond logging a hang out stat with her every month, I would be logging a hang out stat with her just about every day. This is the true hang out champion of my life, my darling wife, Kaitlin.

As I wind down my 2012 Year in Review (you’re reading the final post now, if you scroll down, you’ll enter a world of statistical breakdowns on the most menial things you can imagine), what I’m left with is a love sleeping in the other room while I toil away on this project that has brought me late to bed every night for the past two weeks. She hasn’t complained (much), and she’s been nothing but supportive, reading each blog as soon as she gets up and always encouraging me to keep them coming. As I thumbed through pictures for this post, I came upon so many pictures of us from the last six years together. I’m thinking now of all the momentary breaks I’ve taken over the past year, during dinner, during movies, after parties, while working, while relaxing, in order to keep this log. And I’m thinking of a moment mid way through collecting, sorting, and analyzing the data from those breaks when pangs of doubt started to burn my shoulders and neck and I told her that I was worried that this blog was pointless and self-indulgent and empty and she told me that there was faith in what I was doing and love at the heart of the words that I was writing. She encouraged me to carry on. She told me that what I was doing was worthwhile. And that I was worthwhile. And what more could you want to get out of a blog than that?

Thanks for reading. See ya next year.